Soooo….I had goals. And lo! They were awesome goals. And, with the exception of one, I knocked them out of the park.
Which one did I fumble on? (Look at me with my sportsball metaphors! Fun fact: I played softball for years, although I haven’t played since my team was kicked out of the LA blah blah blah league for a travesty on the field of play. I don’t remember exactly what happened, because afterwards, there were mimosas, but I think one of our players tried to [or possibly succeeded] in hitting an umpire.)
ANYWAY, all that being said, I messed up on the yoga goal. I’d been doing so well! So much yoga! I was going to yoga six whole times in May. I went once. One time. On May second.
*hangs head in shame*
There were so many confounding factors! We went to the coast! I had my kid’s afterschool program end of the year family night! I went to a celebration of life. (It was for a cat, but he was a very, very good cat.) The beer guy had to work and Alvie Bean is still (STILL!) not old enough to take care of himself. And on. And on.
I was very, very busy is what I’m saying.
This is exactly what I told my therapist when we were talking about how I’m too busy to add in the stuff I know needs to happen. And it’s true. I am busy. I work my day job 8 hours/day. On my lunch break and commutes, I’m usually working by either writing or editing. I generally spend 7-10:30 writing or editing each night (7:30-10:30 when I have Ye Olde Kidde), and spend a lot of the weekends writing/editing/ensuring that we don’t live in squalor.
See? Much, much too busy for pesky things like “exercise” and “eating.”
Oh yeah. Eating. (CW: disordered eating)
I prefer not to eat. If I could, I’d subsist on a diet of cheese, tartare, eggs (lightly cooked), and wine. However, I can no longer eat cheese (at least not much), and going out for tartare with quail egg every night is apparently “extravagant” and my bank says “no.”
This explains my vitamin D levels, which are low, even for Portland.
I am supposed to be brainstorming ways to talk myself into prioritizing me and my health. So far, I’ve tried yelling at myself in very motivational ways.
[I couldn’t find a meme that accurately depicted me yelling at myself without be creepy or borderline offensive. Imagine something nice and amusing here, instead.]
So, instead of being “too busy” or “too tired” to exercise/eat/take care of myself, I’m supposed to take baby steps of kindness. Which sounds kinda silly when I type it out, but for someone like me, it might be the best way.
Easily achievable goals instead of stretch goals – at least when it comes to exercise and food – are what I’m supposed to be looking at now.
For June, I will go to yoga once/week and will make a point of getting on my bike once/week. I will also do 10 minute walks (like ten minutes in a row; not a combined total of 10 minutes) once/week. I will start logging my eating again and will eat regular meals…regularly. No more “forgetting” or “being too busy to eat.”
Ugh. That looks so pathetic all written out. I want something like my schedule from eight years ago (taken directly from my workout log):
Monday – rest
Tuesday – 10 mile bike ride, 3.5 mile run, 10 minutes of upper body strength
Wednesday – 1 mile swim
Thursday – 4.5 mile hill run, 90 minute yoga class
Friday – rest/walk
Saturday – 2 hours unspecified activity
Sunday – 12.5 mile trail run
Food – not tracked, but likely I ate all the food. I looked good, yo!
Never mind that it was 9 years ago, 1 kid ago, and that I was working part time (4 days/week), hadn’t quite started grad school yet, and didn’t care about spending time with my now ex-husband. it doesn’t matter! I should 100% be able to jump right back into that schedule, right? RIGHT?
Apparently no.
So here I am, taking baby steps, not so that I can get back to that place, but so that I can imagine the possibility of getting back to that place.
So, motivation…I’m still lacking the push that it takes to go from an object at rest.
Looking for my external force.
In the meantime, I guess I’ll try faking it ’til I make it. I’ve done this before. Granted, I was a lot younger and had 100% fewer children, but I made it work once, and I can do it again.
