Category Archives: Not Dead Yet!

Gotta Have Goals (November 2017)

Yeah, maybe it’s the middle of November almost, but bite me. The last two weeks have been wicked hard. The stress of being mid-divorce and facing unemployment have nothing on the stress of watching your child suffer* and not be able to help.

So, I’m a little behind on a lot of things. I have book reviews to write/publish for Mel Sterling as well as for Lit Buzz and a few others.

I am so fucking far behind on NaNoWriMo, which is unfortunate – not because I particularly care about winning (although this is the first year I didn’t buy my winner’s shirt in advance, and that’s probably why I’m not doing well), but because I do care about finishing Eleanor #4 and getting the beta-reading and editing process moving.

I am, fortunately, not behind on my editing projects.

I am super far behind on sleep, and as such have just been randomly falling asleep lately.

BUT – I have goals for this month (and a brief report on how I did in October).

 

October Goals

  1. I signed up for a thanksgiving 5K. My goal – to finish it without hating myself, whatever that means for me that day. – Ummm – I don’t even know why this was an October goal. Thanksgiving is totally this month.
  2. I need to be mostly done with Eleanor book 4 by the end of the month. – Oops. Not even close. Not even half.
  3. Stay on top of book marketing and don’t back out because of “hard” or “fear.” – Not bad for a newbie!
  4. Find a way to forgive everyone who made me angry cry today due to the colossal fuck-up that happened with my Bean’s after-school care situation. Note: this might be the hardest. Note 2: I think everything’s figured out. It was only two hours of Wednesday panic on my part. – This is so in that past. SUCCESS!
  5. Continue to eat 3x/day and get to bed by 11 on work nights. Work on popping out of bed a little faster in the morning. Meditate (with the bean). Moisturize. Self-care. – Eating = SUCCESS! Bed time = FAIL! Meditation & Moisturize & Self-Care = FAIL!

So – not that great.

November Goals

  1. Hit 90K words on Eleanor 4
  2. Finish all editing projects on time
  3. Find one new editing client
  4. Move 30 minutes every day
  5. Find a way to be present and let go of stress before I have a nervous breakdown

 

*Bean is okay. We are all okay. But sometimes life is hard, yo.

Meh Monday 

The last seven days have been a rollercoaster. The ups – The Ruby Blade has finally come out! – and downs – so much anxiety I can hardly stand it and a fuckton of stuff that I can’t talk about now (maybe someday) – have left me in a place that’s difficult to people from. 

Three books in eight months is not bad at all.


Now is when I cancel plans with vague excuses (not feeling well, etc) to avoid the additional stress of having to interact with other human beings. There are very few people with whom I enjoy spending any sort of time when I feel like this. Very few might actually be one people. 

I’m going to try to pull my life back together this week. For me that means finishing two major editing projects, writing 15k words on Book 4, and eating regularly. 

In the meantime, here’s a picture of my sweet boy dressed as Jean-Luc Picard. 

He’s wearing light saber shoes and Darth Vader pants and his star fleet shirt is hiding a Superman t-shirt. #nerd

Three Things Thursday

Hi from Puerto Vallarta! It’s been a lovely, very hot vacation. Except for yesterday. Yesterday was no bueno. Yesterday, my Fitbit said I walked less than 500 steps. All those steps were the 18 steps round trip from my bed to the bathroom. Yeah. It was that kind of day. Today is moderately better. I have already gone more than 5 times as far! Gooooo me!

Anyway – your three things are three (times two) pictures from Mexico. None of the pictures are from yesterday. You’re welcome.

View from the room

BANANA tree outside our rooms

Beachside beers in Puerto Vallarta

Lovecraftian sculpture (one of many)

Another of several gorgeous boardwalk sculptures. So many plot bunnies hopping around in my brain now…

 

(BTW – if you’re going to be sick in a foreign country, I absolutely recommend having the Beer Guy along. He took such great care of me yesterday.)

(I mean, you can’t have the beer guy every time any of you are traveling. I need him from time to time. Someone has to reach the stuff on the top shelf.)

Beach feet!

Gotta Have Goals (October 2017)

At the beginning of September, I set 19 goals for myself, and I thought it’d do more towards accountability if I actually shared how that went. (Plus, then, NEW GOALS!)

September Report

  1. Pick my son up from his very last day of preschool ever. Take a picture. Don’t cry. (9/1) – SUCCESS! I didn’t even cry
  2. Finish all my last pre-editor edits on The Ruby Blade and get that sucker to my editor. (9/2) – SUCCESS! I totally cried here, though
  3. Drink champagne. (9/2) – SUCCESS! (No tears)
  4. Make an apple pie with the Bean, because he wants to make one for the beer guy’s parents who are visiting. (9/3) – SUCCESS! Kinda, we made a crisp instead
  5. Drop my boy off at his first day of Kindergarten. Take pictures. Don’t cry. (9/5) – SUCCESS! More or less. I maybe got some dust in my eyes. It was really smoky from the fires.
  6. Edit a book for a new client (early Sept) – SUCCESS! (And it is SO GOOD!)
  7. Get my skin checked to make sure there’s no suspicious activity (9/11) – SUCCESS! All is well with my soul skin
  8. Meet with new personal trainer and get new workout schedule set up (9/12) – half SUCCESS! I met with the trainer, but have not yet gotten the schedule set up. 
  9. Write 45K words on Eleanor #4 (sekrit goal is 60K – which is 15K/week and my current average, but see all busy-ness) – big ol’ fail…I’m waaaay behind on my ambitious goal, not to mention the sekrit goal, but still on track to finish by 11/30.
  10. Write 2 chapters on my Raj novella – oops. Totally did not do this. 
  11. Survive the beer guy’s 2.5 week trip to Belgium (I mean, obviously, I’ll survive, but, you know…) – SUCCESS! I ate and slept and only broke the house a tiny bit! 
  12. Keep on top of my day job stuff – SUCCESS!
  13. Write outlines for the first three books in my new series coming out about this time next year and conspire with my cover artist – SUCCESS! I have a long synopsis for the first book and shorter ones for books 2 & 3, have started conspiring with my cover artist, and am working on a marketing plan.
  14. Turn around my article edits SUPAH FAST – SUCCESS! 
  15. Write 4 chapters on SUPER SEKRIT PROJECT – oops. Totally forgot about this.
  16. Actually sleep? I guess? – SUCCESS! I averaged more than 6.5 hours/night in September. 
  17. Start meditating in the mornings again, which means – oops. nope.
  18. Start getting up at 5:30 am again, which means – hahaha. nope. (I am getting up regularly at 6 now, though)
  19. In bed & asleep by 10:45 on school nights – SUCCESS! 
  20. I really want a 20th goal, but couldn’t think of one…

Honestly not bad at all. So much successing. The places where I didn’t completely succeed, though, were all things for which I had not external motivator. Writing my own words with no editor deadline (see sekrit project, Eleanor #4, Raj’s chapters), meditation, getting up earlier, getting the workout schedule down with the new trainer (although, to be fair, I’m waiting for her to get back to me at this point).

I’m not going to set 20 goals in October, but I have five big ones. I’m not going to include things that I know I’ll get done, like finishing up the book I’m currently editing or “have a good time in Mexico.” Instead, these are actual things that I have to work at.

  1. I signed up for a thanksgiving 5K. My goal – to finish it without hating myself, whatever that means for me that day.
  2. I need to be mostly done with Eleanor book 4 by the end of the month.
  3. Stay on top of book marketing and don’t back out because of “hard” or “fear.”
  4. Find a way to forgive everyone who made me angry cry today due to the colossal fuck-up that happened with my Bean’s after-school care situation. Note: this might be the hardest. Note 2: I think everything’s figured out. It was only two hours of Wednesday panic on my part.
  5. Continue to eat 3x/day and get to bed by 11 on work nights. Work on popping out of bed a little faster in the morning. Meditate (with the bean). Moisturize. Self-care.

 

 

UTERUS UPDATE! (Cyborg Implant Month 1)

I know each and every one of you has been waiting with bated breath for an update on my uterus issues. THE WAIT IS OVER!

As I’m sure you recall, I had a nexplanon implant put in the end of August. (OMG – the bruising for this was horrific. I really, really want to share a picture, but I’m not going to, because I am a good person.) This was to help manage the horrific dysmenorrhea I was suffering for a week straight (the worst usually only lasted a day or two, but it was a day or two of sobbing, wracked with pain, emotional hellbeastiness and then 4-5 days of regularly awful cramps that would cause me to randomly double over with pain and work through headaches, back aches, and neck aches, not to mention the nausea and random dizziness).

My period tracker tells me that my period was due two days ago. That means that I am currently LATE! This is super exciting for someone whose cycle was lasting between 9-12 days for much of the earlier part of this year. I’m at an actual 4-week cycle this month (or maybe even longer! fingers crossed!).

The best part is that I’ve been having cramps. But not full-body, wracked with pain and sobbing until I practically throw up cramps! No! I am having midol ad cramps.

Wait – not this Midol ad!

 

I wouldn’t necessarily choose this one, either…

 

Yes! This one! She looks like she’ll be going on a hike as soon as she pops her midol!

Like, I have cramps. They’re twingy and uncomfortable. I literally don’t know how to deal with this. I had a craving for chocolate yesterday, so I had some. I haven’t cried, or pulled out the vicodin, or even grabbed my heating pad.

I feel…not bad. Almost good, even. It’s so weird.

I’m not sure I’m quite at “happy bitch” stage, but I’ll take this.

My doctor and all the studies I’ve read (because of course I was on pub med central searching for journal articles, I am not [often] a spontaneous decision maker*) laid out the following stats:

  1. 20% of users have a complete cessation of menstruation
  2. 20% of users have unpredictable menstrual cycles with extra blood
  3. 60% of users have regular cycles

Of women who’ve suffered from dysmenorrhea, 80% (give or take, depending on the study and what they were using as markers) have a drastic reduction in pain levels over the course of six months.

AND – most women who have the insert removed before it expires (three years, I think) do so because of point #2 above, and almost all within the first 3 months. I’m one month in and feeling hopeful that I’ll fall into camps 1 or 3 (I’d really, really like to be #1…for so many reasons, but mostly because my damn uterus OWES ME.

Maybe, if it repents and is good, I’ll let it stay a bit longer…I’d sure like to avoid major surgery if at all possible.

I’m hoping if I can get to a place where I’m not in pain 50% of the time and dopey from my borderline anemia, I’ll have more energy so I can start waking up and exercising and feeling all around better!

*fingers crossed*

All positive uterus thoughts accepted, although honestly, I don’t need you to spend a lot of time thinking about my uterus because that’s just weird.

*I can be spontaneous if you give me a heads up.