2018: Me First
I’ve done a lot in the last 2.5 years. I’ve published three books, gotten my freelance business off the ground, started an LLC with my partner-in-all-things, moved twice, divorced (once), started a new relationship, and seen my kid through some thoroughly hellish ups and downs. I’ve traveled to Iceland and Mexico (as well as some domestic trips). I’ve lost a job and started a new one.
There is, however, one very important thing that I didn’t do.
I didn’t take care of myself.
For some reason, everyone and everything else came first. I just couldn’t find the time to take care of me, and later I couldn’t find a reason.
I’ve been doing a lot of patchwork to try to keep myself afloat and trying really hard to fake it ’til I make it.
I told myself that as long as I was meeting all my work deadlines (for all 3 jobs), I was doing okay. The fact that I wasn’t eating or sleeping or exercising or feeling good about anything ever would correct itself in time.
NARRATOR VOICE: “It did not, in fact, correct itself.”
I found myself, by the end of the year, in a situation where I couldn’t take one more thing. So, of course, that’s when at least one more thing happened. Things were rough with my kid, and then I fucked up my shoulder, and those two things together made me just. stop. functioning.
It got to the point where my situation was untenable, but I was so far off-course, I didn’t know how to self-correct. So, after months of innumerable calls to millions (possible slight exaggeration) of therapists, and after spending most of a day crying, I got three phone calls in two days for people who finally had room for me!
I had my first appointment Thursday, and it was hard. He said a lot of things that were absolutely true and that I absolutely did not want to hear.
I’m not quite to the sharing place yet, so I’m gonna be pretty vague about what those things were, but although it was hard AF, it was important. The bottom line is that I have a lot of work to do. This work is going to have to be first and foremost in everything I do for the next year. And don’t worry! You can come along for the ride!
I have several goals for this year, some big and some small. But first and foremost, is one (not-so-) simple goal.
18 Goals for 2018
- Adhere to all therapeutic interventions. This means do my physical therapy exercises as instructed and as often as instructed. This means that if medication is prescribed, I will take said medication, as instructed, for as long as instructed, and I will not stop taking said medication without the go-ahead from the prescribing physician.
- Write four books. (Tiny goal!)
- Make a profit in my writing/freelancing business
- Moisturize a lot more often
- Walk/run the four quarter marathons I signed up for.
- Go to Ireland and Spain and have a really good time.
- Find a better after school care for Alvie when he starts 1st grade
- Belgium, hopefully
- Take care of my body by eating regular, healthy meals, drinking plenty of water, sleeping an adequate amount each night, and moving it about on the regular
- Take more pictures with me and other people.
- Learn to read for pleasure again
- Really work hard at meditation
- Work on my language learning
- Hug the Bean more. Pick him up, way, way less.
- Buy clothes that fit and get rid of things (clothes, etc.) in my life that don’t make me feel good.
- Get my black boots repaired.
- Take time, every day, to appreciate the good things in my life.
Happy 2018, blog readers!