Monthly Archives: July 2008

To Whoever found me by googling for

“How much does 30 pounds of crack weigh?”

The answer:  30 pounds.

Consider that your public service of the day.  (Also, maybe you should lay off the crack & work on your math skills.  Or even just your common sense skills.  And I’m not any kind of drug know-it-all, but it seems like 30 pounds of crack is a LOT.  Like felony a lot.  You may want to google “how much
crack do I have to possess before it’s a felony” or something similar.)

Blargh!!! Also BUSY!!!

So yesterday, I went home a wee bit early. Because of the BLARGH!! mentioned in the post title. It was the first time I’ve taken any sick time since starting my new job. Admittedly, it’s only been three months, and it was only about 3 hours, but still. I felt kinda guilty.

Today was the going away party for one of my colleagues. She’d been doing a lot of what my job was before I started, as well as admin stuff. It was really nice to see how many people came to wish her well, how many people respected her both for her personality & her hard-work, and how much $$ was raised for her good-bye ($200, plus a lot of people brought their own gifts). The transition from her to me in many areas has not gone as smoothly as I would’ve hoped, but she leaves big shoes to fill in terms of how other people regard her – I only hope that I can gain the respect of everyone in the same way she has.

Tomorrow, I move offices. I will be taking the spot of my colleague. Her replacement (who will be an executive assistant) will be sharing office space with me. I will now have a window. And, if I were able to thrust my body out of the (3rd story) window and twist a little bit, I could see Mt. Hood. I probably won’t try to do that, but it’s almost like I have a mountain view. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a window at work. (Life keeps getting better –first a real door AND a bathroom, and now a WINDOW!)

I feel both simultaneously busy and not busy at work. It’s weird. I just want to be in a place where the workflow is constant, but I’m not quite there yet.

This weekend, I will be alllllllllllllllll byyyyyyyyyyyyyyy myyyyyyyyyyyselffffffffff. The architect is flying back to Atlanta for his 20 year high school reunion. I was really looking forward to going, but when we went to buy tickets, they were in the neighborhood of $650-$700 apiece. And that’s just crazy-talk. That’s half of our driveway project, right there, for just one ticket. So, I let him go without me. And, since I have no plans of ever attending any of my own high school reunions, I felt kinda left out. Fortunately, a friend came to the rescue. In a couple of weeks, I will be the Romy to her Michelle, and be attending my friend’s 20 year reunion. We are gonna be so cool.

This weekend will be busy, though. I have 192 square feet of earth to move, beets to pickle & can, and raspberries to jam & can. Also, a curb cut to oversee. And martinis to drink, of course. And a party to plan. Hopefully I’ll make it through alive.


So, the architect & I are having a party.  It always seems like a good idea until I actually invite people & they start RSVP-ing, and then I remember, “oh yeah!  People are going to come to my HOME!  And they are going to stay until late!  And I am going to have to make small talk and feed them, and what if I run out of dip???” (Because you know the world will stop on its axis if anyone leaves hungry.

So, anyways, I am having a party, and since I love you so much, you are invited.  There are a few people I KINDA know from Portland that I only know through the internets.  You are all invited.  Because you are so awesome.  It is August 9.  I will give you food & drink, and because of my neuroses, you will not go home hungry.  Let me know if you’re interested (and if you’re not, I won’t be offended or anything).

Also – A?  I am eating a falafel sandwich right now.  (Well, not as I type.)

And LA peeps?  I can’t believe I missed the earthquake!  Why didn’t we have any good earthquakes when I lived there?

Life is no fair.

Faux-lebrity encounter

This morning Jennifer Grey got on my bus. Of course, it wasn’t actually Jennifer Grey, because I’m guessing that the real Jennifer Grey a) didn’t get her old nose back; b) wouldn’t be on a bus in Portland at 7:30 AM; c) got rid of that perm 20 years ago; and d) wouldn’t be caught dead in her Dirty Dancing costume.

It was funny – kinda like this girl had woken up one day & said “I want to look like an iconic movie role from the 80s but I have a largish nose.” And then it hit her – Baby!

This girl had that hair, the nose, enough facial features that I actually looked twice, and was wearing a sedate little skirt, white blouse & a pink cardigan. With tango shoes. She was ready. Her cell rang, and I was really disappointed that it wasn’t “She’s Like the Wind.”

That would be a kinda fun game – see how many people you could get to say, “has anyone ever told you that you looked like….”

(aside, once, as a tween, I sent my photo into a Tiger Beat celebrity look-a-like contest, and came in 2nd! I got an autographed photo of the celebrity I looked like: it was….ummmm….some chick from Dallas, I think.)

What celebrity would you try to look like? Whenever I’ve taken those “which celeb do you resemble” tests, they always say it’s a tie between Sarah Michelle Geller & some random, average looking man. I have a friend who insists I look like Christina Ricci – back when she was still eating food.


not this:

I’m not so sure.

T-4 hours to martini time.

That’s better…..

Today is MUCh better.  Last night’s martini definitely helped there!  I am doing my work and doing it well.  I ate my healthy lunch, and other than a short lament about the dearth of cookies in my department (right now, there are lunches every day for our new residents, and they always have leftovers – usually something veggie like, but there are never leftover desserts), I’m feeling good.

Except for my hate for UPS.

I ordered a (very belated) birthday gift for the architect.  Not because I forgot his birthday, but because he asked for something specific, I bought it, but it turns out I’m dumb – so what I got wasn’t actually what he wanted/needed.  So, I sent it back & told him to send me a VERY SPECIFIC email about what he wanted, preferably with a link, or a product ID or something.

But he didn’t.  And rather than bask in the glory of not having spent more than $3 on him (they always ding you for return shipping), I insisted that he tell me what he wants.

Turns out that original gift idea is now boring, and what he really wants is his very own iPod.  Apparently borrowing mine is no fun anymore (but c’mon, who doesn’t want their regularly scheduled Ozzy & AC/DC interspersed with the New Kids’ latest single AND “Afternoon Delight”).

So, I ordered him a Shuffle.  And I got myself one, too, because I am a giver.  Apple said, don’t worry – when you know your delivery date, you can “pre-sign” for your packages & UPS will leave them for you.  So yesterday, D-Day, I pre-signed for my packages.

Yesterday evening, I had one of those Info-notices, saying “NO DELIVERY FOR YOU BITCH!” (they’ve really gotten hard-ass at UPS).

So, I determined that maybe they hadn’t seen my delivery pre-sign thingies.

So today I taped them extra special, with the pertinent paragraphs circle, starred & highlighted, and put my Info-notice next to it to indicate that I understood what was going on.

I checked my tracking this morning & found out that there was again an exception due to no one being home to sign.

So I called UPS.  The lady argued with me, telling me that this has NEVER BEEN DONE ANYWHERE and that no delivery driver would accept these pre-sign statements.  She would not let me re-direct the shipment because I did not have my Info-Notice #, only the tracking numbers.

She did grudgingly graciously say that I could pick my packages up at the UPS distribution center.  She even told me where it was.  But not when it was open, someone else had to call me to tell me that.

So, tonight, I can pick up my packages between 6 PM & 7 PM.  They’re not open on weekends.  And I’m having drinks tomorrow night, so I can’t do it then.

I called Apple to let them know what the UPS lady said about pre-signing.  I’m pretty sure I talked to Justin Long (you know he works in the call center).  The guy was really surprised, because they actually got the form from UPS, and he’s only heard about 5 complaints EVER about UPS not delivering, and none about the UPS customer service people being bee-yotches.

So, hopefully tonight, when the architect gets home at insane-o’clock, I can (finally) give him his present.  Although I won’t count on it.  There’s still a lot of time between now & 7 PM for stuff to go wrong.