Looking Forward

The last two years have been transformative-for everyone, right? I can’t decide if this *gestures wildly at everything* is the new normal, or something we’ll be able to actually really truly be able to move on from once enough people agree to put the public good over their own fears and politics and lack of sciencing to get vaccinated.

Meme. Text on an orange background that reads "You just have to take it one 'are you fucking kidding me' at a time.

Other than *more inarticulate gesturing,* it has been a pretty good couple of years for me. I finally found a medication that works to keep my brain mostly balanced. The winters of 2020 and this winter are the first time in as long as I can remember (LIES! I remember! It’s been since before I was pregnant…she is wonderful and I would trade her for very few things, but she broke my brain & body) that I’ve felt…okay. There are days I’m sad, but it’s sadness, and it passes. It’s so weird to feel like this, even when the dark is ever-present. But for however long it lasts, I’m gonna be on this (finally not) crazy train. And since I have two crows that visit me every day, even on those shit days, I’ll be just fine.

Meme, text only.
OP: generally i find popular poetry overrated but "Dust of Snow" by Robert Fros is such a MOOD:

The way a crow 
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree
Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued

OP: look at it. "today was shit but then I saw a crow."

I’ve been more productive than I’ve been in a long while since starting the new drugs. In 2020, I published only one book (Iron River, find it everywhere fine ebooks are sold). However, in the last twelve months, I have written the last Eleanor Morgan novel, four novels in my new Eden Valley series (number four releases 2/24/22), three novellas in the Eden Valley series (the third comes out in January), planned two new series plus a return to Oracle Bay, and even though it’s been a bit tough from time to time (see writing 60K words in 10 days the end of October), I got it done.

I’ve had people leave my life and others come into it. My child switched schools just in time to not go for a year and finished third grade at home under my rather negligent eye. She’s full time 4th grade now, I’m still rather a negligent education mom (to be fair, she’s not super into the education part of school, either). She’s had two covid tests, played a wonderful season of soccer, spent last summer leaning into becoming a ‘horse girl,’ and has given me a million new grey hairs and some of the best memories. She’s made so many new friends, and that has allowed me to do the same.

A dark figure standing under the night sky, the stars of the big dipper in view.
My child seeing the Milky Way for the first time & posing with the Big Dipper. Taken with NightCap. Stars mode, 10.05 second exposure, 1/1s shutter speed.

But looking back isn’t what I’m interested in right now. It’s time to look forward. Other than my drugs (wooo! drugs!), one of the biggest reasons I’m able to look forward, roll with the punches, and hit every single one of my goals while still maintaining a lot more personal balance is Becca at Holistic Time Coach. We started working together in April and by mid-year, I was looking at the time I had in an entirely different way. I was more productive this year and spent less time in front of my computer and more time doing the things that work for me to keep me happy. I loved her so much that I signed up for another year of quarterly check ins.

One of the biggest things that came from that coaching relationship is my desire to think bigger. To not discount the dreams as something for the future or unattainable. After all…

Meme, text only. 
Written in large red letters on a gray background.
"Make no little plans they have no magic to stir men's blood."
- Daniel Burnham.

I’ve spent a lot of time with fellow author and wine aficianado Shéa MacLeod drinking wine (duh) but also dreaming big. This year, I’m going to start manifesting those dreams – all the things we’ve talked about (and maybe a few we haven’t) to get to the place I want to be in four years.

A photo collage. 
Background is Porto Portugal
Starting top left to top right, then middle, then bottom:
Peace written on an image of the aurora borealis
I am magical with a dragon
Boundary on a street sign
A femme appearing centaur breaking free from chains that turn into birds with the word freedom, 
Portugal written in the center
Wine, cheese, grapes in front of a vineyard
A figure running on a trail in the woods
'buzzing with life'
rocks balanced on a board that is balanced on a rock with the word "health" on the board
"Mom" hanging over a heart with a femme appearing child in a kitten sweatshirt in the middle
Stacks of coins with the word "money" written underneath and an upward arrow

I used to do twelve big annual goals and five smaller monthly goals. They usually revolved around exercise (run 100 miles, swim 10 miles, finish a triathlon, set a PR in the 5K), but that’s not so much what I want to do right now. I’m working on (thanks Becca and every therapist ever) good enough. BIG dreams, but small steps.

This year instead I want to take each of the items on the manifestation board and focus on one a month. There aren’t “goals.” Just focus. Spending a little time figuring out what it means to me, what it would look like to achieve the goal, and then taking a small step towards that goal. This is a 3-5 year manifestation. It’d suck to hit 100% of the goals in <1 year, right? then I’d have to do an entirely new manifestation board.

  • Freedom
  • Portugal
  • Momming
  • Balance
  • Money
  • Buzzing with Life
  • Magic
  • Boundaries
  • Health
  • Peace
  • Wine

Stay tuned! I’m gonna try to blog at least once a month as I talk about where I’m at with each of these. And to be clear, I’m not going to just work on each for a month and ignore the others. That would be less than effective. I’m going to deep dive into one each month but do a little work on each of them.

January’s topic is going to be health. What does that mean to me now that it’s not practical to set “run a marathon this year” goals? What does health mean to you? I can tell you what I desperately need my first step to be…

A meme - 

picture of Ryan Gosling saying 
"Hey Girl
Your early bedtime is a major turn on. Sweet Dreams."

It’s all about the small steps…

So – happy almost new year. See you in January for some health discussions…

(Pssstttt… if you want to get an front row seat to the possibly Facebook live monthly book & manifestation discussions, come on over to my page.

If you want in on some freebies & the soon to be announced cover reveals/release dates for my next books, join the Amyzonians.)

Happy new year! I’ll see you on the other side… In the meantime, please enjoy the horrible images of where I’m being forced to spend the last week of 2021… Think of me in this time of suffering.

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