In which I answer your questions

Q: How do you make a porno martini?

A:

  1. Chill the gin.
  2. Fill martini glass with ice & soda water (the bubbles & ice make the glass colder).
  3. Fill shaker with ice, pour in 3 shots of gin & 1/2 shot of dry vermouth.
  4. Shake vigorously (put the cover on first).
  5. Dump the water & ice out of the glass.
  6. Spritz glass with vermouth.
  7. Strain gin into glass.
  8. Add olives (I prefer either sun-dried stuffed tomato olives OR bleu-cheese stuffed olives).
  9. Take off all your clothes, hold the gin glass between your thighs, as high as possible, and drink without spilling.  (Alternately, you can do this with a partner.)

If, however, you just want a NON-porno martini, skip step #9 and just drink.

*questions are edited for clarity, spelling and grammar. Heh – the first time I typed that, I spelled grammar wrong.