In which I answer your questions

Q: How do you make a porno martini?

A:

  1. Chill the gin.
  2. Fill martini glass with ice & soda water (the bubbles & ice make the glass colder).
  3. Fill shaker with ice, pour in 3 shots of gin & 1/2 shot of dry vermouth.
  4. Shake vigorously (put the cover on first).
  5. Dump the water & ice out of the glass.
  6. Spritz glass with vermouth.
  7. Strain gin into glass.
  8. Add olives (I prefer either sun-dried stuffed tomato olives OR bleu-cheese stuffed olives).
  9. Take off all your clothes, hold the gin glass between your thighs, as high as possible, and drink without spilling.  (Alternately, you can do this with a partner.)

If, however, you just want a NON-porno martini, skip step #9 and just drink.

*questions are edited for clarity, spelling and grammar. Heh – the first time I typed that, I spelled grammar wrong.

3 responses to “In which I answer your questions

  1. My steps for a porno martini:

    Chill GREY GOOSE VODKA
    Fill PINK RHINESTONE RIMMED martini glass with ice & water
    Fill shaker with ice, pour in 3 shots of VODKA & ZERO shots of dry vermouth.
    Shake vigorously (put the cover on first). DANCE AROUND IN LINGERIE AND STILETTOS.
    Spritz glass with SPANISH FLY
    Strain VODKA into glass.
    Add olives MANY OLIVES – CHEESY IS MIGHTY TASTY BUT BAD FOR BREATH
    Take off all your clothes, hold the gin glass between your PARTNER’S thighs and drink without spilling. IF YOU SPILL, LICK IT UP IMMEDIATELY AND WITH GREAT INTENSITY. DRINK AT LEAST HALF THE MARTINI, THEN FALL INTO BED. EAT CHOCOLATE AFTERWARDS.

    • yours is much better, with the exception of the vodka part 🙂 Although a Grey Goose martini is still very, very good.

  2. WOOHOO and oh my!!!

    Porno anything at this point is a good thing!!!

    M