Sick of Myself
I’ve been sick for about a week and a half. This is honestly the sickest I’ve been in my recent memory. Sicker than the two times I got bronchitis last year. Sicker than the time last year I had pneumonia, a sinus infection, and strep throat at the same time. I feel like I haven’t felt well since about the beginning of December.
I know a decent amount of the lingering illness is due to months of stress and not sleeping. While I was sick, in fact, I literally did not sleep for 4 days. That was exciting in a hallucinatory vision questy way that was not actually all that exciting.
I’m just ready to feel good. To feel rested and healthy. To want to get up at 5 am in the morning to write and edit again. To have enough energy to run and yoga and stuff.
I’m so sick of being sick and tired. I feel like this is starting to be my new normal – that I’ll never have energy to write or work out again.
I know that I’ll catch up on sleep and energy again. I know that I’ll be able to run again and write again. It’s just hard to wait when I want to feel good now.
It’s easy to get trapped in a cycle of stress = no sleep = stress and I’m having trouble breaking that cycle.
I’m better with action plans than maybes and what ifs, but it’s hard to make a plan when I don’t know when I’ll feel well enough to follow through.
I’d really like to have an executable plan, though. Even something simple. Problem is, I’m not very good at simple plans. I’m more of a “90 minutes of yoga” or “3 miles minimum run” or “1 mile swim.” I don’t know what counts that’s less than that.
What’s a good place for someone perpetually exhausted to start?