Under Pressure

There are a number of things at which I excel. It makes me a little uncomfortable to list them in public, because I want to maintain my aura of humility.

Aside: Once, as a younger lass, perhaps 12 or 13, I couldn’t remember the adjective form of humility, so I needed to ask because the internet wasn’t a thing yet. So, I asked my father what the correct word was. But instead of just asking, “Hey, dad! What’s the adjective form of humility?” I asked, “Hey dad! What’s the word that’s not humil?”

There was much mockery. For years. Every time I busted out with the time he tried to convince me that panache was pronounced Puh-NATCH-ee he’d remind me of the humil incident. The fact that I was (a) young and (b) knew that I didn’t have the right word was brushed aside so as not to interfere overmuch with the mocking. Sigh. I miss that man.

Anyhoosits! I am deeply humil (hee!) but am trying to get to a place in my life where I can say, without embarrassment or an aura of self-deprecation, the things I do well. I want to find that great swath of field between braggadocio and humility. However, today is not that day.

Today is the day when I talk about something I do not do well.

I am crap at stress management. Unfortunately, I am extremely stressed right now. EXTREMELY.

So, let me tell you how I deal with that. I have a list.

  1. Not eating when I am near the source of my stress. I am so nauseated when near the stressor that I cannot consume food. So I do not. Unfortunately, I am near that stressor for approximately 8-9 hours most workdays. That’s a lot of not eating.
  2. Drinking lots of coffee. On an empty stomach. Because who needs a stomach lining?
  3. Procrastinating. Due to fear of failure. However, chronic procrastination can cause failure, so it doesn’t really make sense. Welcome to my brain.
  4. Drinking wine. Not when stressor adjacent, though. It hasn’t yet come to that. I may or may not have an airport bottle of whiskey in a stressor-adjacent drawer, but it’s pretty safe since I’m not much of a whiskey drinker.
  5. Reading. How could this be bad? you may ask. It’s not entirely. Not all my coping mechanisms are destructive.
  6. Reading instead of exercising. Yeah, that’s when it’s not so good.
  7. Reading instead of sleeping. And now you see the bad.

So, I’m not eating or exercising or sleeping. How could that possible go wrong?

I’m home today. As I was yesterday. I’m trying to reset my brain with sleep and normal food. I’m also doing a lot of writing. And trying to figure out how much money I need to save up so that this can be my life.

What I probably should do instead is figure out how, in my current limited time, I can fit in the good things to manage stress. Namely exercise and sleep. Oh, and being able to eat in the presence of stress.

For today, my goal is to write, drink plenty of water, yoga (year of the yoga butt! I cannot wait to introduce everyone to Bianca the Yoga Butt when she finally makes an appearance), and write. Baby steps.

And, speaking of babies; check out my not a baby! (Gotta end with a happy note – and I know 95% of the people reading this are here for Alvie pics.) (The other 5% are really hoping for shoe porn. And not my kind of shoe porn. There are a lot of disappointed searchers out there.)

IMG_0136 (2)Do you know what that is? That is a big, underwear-wearing boy watching Cars as his reward for proper use of the potty. We are thisclose to declaring potty training over and done.

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