Three (3) Things Thursday – Olympic Edition

Amy Cissell
July 26, 2012
Dammit!, Made of Awesomesauce, Oh, Baby!
626

Hi! I totally went away for a week again, didn’t I? Oops! I was pretty busy with work, and baby-raising, and running, and having my phone die for no good reason and now I am stuck with a slightly less smart (read: dumb as a post) phone and I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I need my apps!)

Ahem.

ANYHOO!

Three things that I will somehow relate to the Olympics, mostly to irritate my good friend Brian. (I am not a nice person, am I?)

1. My baby boy started rolling over last week. He rolled over 6 times on Wednesday and 2 times each on Thursday & Friday. All for the nanny. We posited that on the weekend, when I saw him in the middle of the day & he was well-rested, he would roll over for me. HE DID NOT. And then, on Monday? He rolled over for the nanny again. At this point, I was becoming a conspiracy theorist. Was she lying? (Why would she lie?) Did he just like her better? WHAT? And then, Monday evening he rolled over for us, and now does so about once a day. VICTORY! I am just trying to figure out what sport this indicates that he will excel at, so I can get him in training now. I have high hopes for his chances at gold medaling in the 2032 summer games. (I am working on supplementing the breast milk with awesomesauce, as suggested by Cat, who is herself 100% pure awesomesauce.)

2. Although it seems unlikely that, at my upcoming triathlon, I will prove that being pregnant for approximately 2.5 years in any way made me a world-class athlete, thus resulting in endorsements and a chance to train and compete in the 2016 games, I am getting excited for my first “race” post baby. I am doing an open water swim tonight (in a river! even scarier than a pond!), and am planning on eventually riding my bike. Also – this weekend, I will be running three whole miles in! a! row! The likes of which I haven’t done for quite some time. I hope I don’t die. That would really ruin my Olympic dreams.

3. I am having some fairly severe anxiety issues lately. My therapist diagnosed me with postpartum anxiety disorder – the lesser known cousin of ppd. It should start to dissipate in the next couple of months as my hormones re-balance, and in the meantime, when I find myself spiraling into a tunnel of anxiety, I just need to remind myself that this is NOT me. It’s weird. My anxiety is primarily taking in the form of constant worrying about not being good enough – not just at mothering (but go ahead & ask me how I feel I’m doing at the whole pumping thing…if you want to hear about my spiral of self doubt & recriminations), but at just about everything. I have always pushed myself pretty hard & held myself up to a very high standard, but this is approaching ridiculosity. In fact, I’d say that my anxiety is approaching olympic proportions. (I knew I could work that in somehow.) I am trying to find a way to interrupt my own vicious cycle of worry/fear/doubt/etc. and to stop being so obnoxious by constantly talking about my own inadequacies (and there goes the negative self-talk again – see what I mean?).

I thought about not sharing this, but just in case anyone else is feeling this way – just want to let you know that you’re not alone.