Further Accounts of Amy’s Awkward Adventures

Oh, gentle readers – I realize that it has been a very long time since I’ve shared with you a tale of me doing something clumsy, or humiliating (or, when the planets align – both at the same time). Fortunately, this very morning, I was able to fall down so that I could tell you a story.

First – I must set the scene.

Me: A woman. Carrying a large purse, a lunch bag, and holding a cup of coffee. Wearing a very cute dress + sensible shoes (very sensible, stupid Damian).

You: A bus. You are running late, which means I get to hop on  you instead of waiting 8 minutes for my (usual) bus.

Other factors: It has been sprinkling. Things are damp. You (the bus) are stopped at a red light.

AND – ACTION!

I was pretty excited that the #35 was at the stop as I hopped off bus #1. Usually I have a 7 minute wait between buses, but I guess the previous bus was running late. So I hopped on.

I was walking to my seat (as one does), and the bus, despite being stopped at a red light, decided that in order to be FULLY PREPARED for the light turning green, should jump (did you even know buses could jump?) the five or so feet from the bus stop to the intersection.

At that point, my body attempted to do the splits. My left foot slipped out from under me. My right foot stayed put. My left hand, carrying the all-important coffee, went backwards. My right hand, carrying the less important purse + lunch went in a completely different direction.

Fortunately, I only spilled one drop of coffee. (Those who know me will attest to my uncanny ability to fall with full beverages without spilling a drop. I protect what’s important.)

My legs overestimated my flexibility – perhaps thinking that the recent yoga classes had developed more stretchiness than was actual.

I landed flat on my ass. My first thought was – “My dress better not be dirty.”

My second thought was, “I can’t believe I just fell down wearing a dress. Hey, mister! Eyes up here!”

And my third thought: “This wouldn’t have happened if I was wearing heels.” (True story – I have never fallen down in heels. But put a pair of flat shoes on me, and I enter clumsy city.)

The light turned green. The bus drive gunned it through the intersection. I sat, awkwardly splayed in the middle of the aisle, trying to get up without spilling my coffee.

The peeper (one of only three other people on the bus – I get on at one of the first stops) came & helped me up. Once I was seated, the bus driver (by now several jerky blocks away) asked if I was okay.

I briefly contemplated feeling humiliated, but then decided that was a waste of good blush, so decided to be irritated instead. My office mate confirmed that my dress is not dirty at all, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to have an awesome bruise on my left cheek. It actually kinda hurts to sit now.

So – once more, gravity had its way with me, but it can’t keep me down, man! Or, actually , it pretty much can, but I will continue to fight the good fight, and attempt to stay upright for a little while longer.

****

The man who helped me up? The peeper? Was a tiny old Asian man wearing a Durex ball cap. Which was weird, right?

7 responses to “Further Accounts of Amy’s Awkward Adventures

  1. I just Googled Durex on a workstation that is not my own just to clarify you were talking about THAT Durex. Yep, weird.

  2. Oh man!

  3. Nothing like a little excitement first thing in the morning! Glad you were able to save your coffee!

  4. The old Asian man in the Durex baseball cap has a nice David Lynch-ian feel to it. Very odd. Glad you saved the coffee and, hopefully, only ended up with bruises.

  5. Always good to know I am not the only person who falls down randomly! 🙂

    Glad the coffee survived – I would have been pissed!!

  6. Damian has cursed you in more ways than one I say.

  7. maybe he wasn’t intentionally peeping, heck maybe he was partially blind? At least he helped you up!!