Overheard at the gym…

Not quite locker room diaries, because except for that one time*, I have steered clear of the men’s locker room at my new gym.

Last night, I was at the gym (I know, AGAIN! I am a gym monkey!) and was, once again, in the free weights room. I love the little weight machines – they are so easy AND most of them have illustrations of what I’m supposed to do. The free weights are harder – even the ones that are slightly machine like the decline bench press thingie (technical term). There are no drawings! How do I know if I’m doing it right?

ANYWAYS – the story. As I’m decline bench pressing away, feeling kind of bad ass, because I’m using big plates (30 lbs on each side, which equals 60, for the mathically challenged), I start to overhear this group of guys talking. There are three of them, and they are exactly the way I stereotype gym rats. Tall, stocky, muscular arms, but on the soft side in the middle. They are all wearing those tank tops that look like the arms have been ripped & stretched out & super long baggy shorts. The smallest one made some offhand comment – maybe a song lyric – that sounded like he was hitting on the other two guys. Guy M(eathead) said, “pretty soon, if you keep making those kind of comments, we are actually going to start believing that you are gay.”

Guy A(mbigious sexuality): Ha ha ha. You guys know I’m just kidding! I’m so straight! Like an arrow! Or a line!**

Guy M: Whatever, gay person.

Guy N(umbskull): Hey, remember that one time that Tonya that you were gay?

Guy A: yeah – that was funny (just typed runny – weird typo). And then, to prove to her I wasn’t, *graphic sex account*

Guys M&N: ha ha ha. That was awesome.

Guy A: and then, my ex-gf broke up with me & said it was because I was gay. Guess I showed her, if you know what I mean. Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more.

Guys M&N: yeah, you sure did! ha ha ha

—-

And then, I was done declining & pressing. Later, I was back in the room to push down a straight bar. I had my straight bar, and there was the pulley – way up high. I couldn’t reach it. Did any of the macho men (who had now moved on to the time they were extras in a movie & got to throw beer cans at homeless people) come help me? No, I had to pull over a bench to reach the pulley. By the time I had gotten half way through my pulling down (waaaay easier than pulling up, btw), they were back on “incidences of mistaken gay identity.”

It was so weird. I went home & asked the architect if this is normal macho guy conversation. I mean, I’ve never sat around with a bunch of straight guys & heard them talk about how extremely straight they are. And actually, I’ve seldom hung out with gay men & had them talk about how extremely gay they are. I mean, things come up in conversation that indicate a preference one way or another, but I thought maybe guys only break out that topic when there are no ladies about. (shut up, I totally count as a lady. assholes.)

Also, as a man-preferring woman, I have never sat around with my other hetero girl friends and had long discussions about how much we prefer the men. Or all those times people thought we were lesbians, but we WEREN”T.

I kind of wanted to go tell Guys A, M & N that it was okay to be gay, and that there was no reason to hide it behind sexist remarks & misogynistic behavior (a la Larry in Buffy), but I didn’t, because I couldn’t handle the wave of protests that were sure to follow, and I’m no Xander looking for a werewolf.

SO – anyways – am I wrong? Do straight men have these conversations all the time? Is this normal gym testosterone-fueled behavior? Help a girl out.

I did have a great workout last night, though. 45 minutes of weights + 3 mile run (with negative splits, thank you very much) on the dreadmill. I feel pretty good today!

—————-

*it was an accident; there were no naked men in there, and with the exception of one person, no one saw it happen. which may mean there was no reason to share it with anyone.

**dialog mostly made up, because I didn’t have a tape recorder, and so am being forced to recreate the gist of it. Also for dramatic effect.

Recent Comments

  • Michael
    November 18, 2009 - 12:25 pm ·

    hmmm….I’ve had many conversations with the Architect about how he is soo gay. Well, gay for girls that is. But no, this is not a normal topic of conversation for me and my male friends. My attitude is, I don’t care what someone else thinks. Just don’t think that I’m a jerk.

  • Carolina John
    November 18, 2009 - 1:43 pm ·

    i would say those dudes are def closet homos. that is certainly not normal.

    and i could care less what anybody thinks about me. heck, even my wife thinks i’m gay. and she’s the only one that ever says that.

    you should try walking into the mens locker room on purpose when there are naked men in there. it would really burn your eyeballs. i mean, there are some images you just can’t un-see (but really wish you could).

    • gazelle
      November 18, 2009 - 5:05 pm ·

      So you basically just suggested that I partake in a retina burning experiment? That’s not nice. Are you trying to prove how masculine you are or something? 😛

  • Calyx Meredith
    November 18, 2009 - 3:05 pm ·

    Well – I have to say that I have heard variations on this type of conversation at the gym – but between my guy friends, not strangers. It usually begins with one of them not being able to lift a certain amt of weight or them starting out on the treadmill (which is apparently wussy?) and one of the other of them calls the first one gay. The affronted one protests and they start trying to outdo each other in how-straight-I-am stories. I assumed it was because I was a girl and they were showing out in front of me. For a while I thought it was because they considered me one of the guys – but one time one of them (on the treadmill next to me) said something about how hot Halle Berry was and how he’d like the chance to show her a thing or two in bed. He lost his footing on the treadmill and about knocked himself out when I agreed and said I wouldn’t kick her out of bed either. Guess he forgot I’m not straight? Dunno. Still don’t understand it – but I have been around it. My take? Some guys are just weird.

    • gazelle
      November 18, 2009 - 5:05 pm ·

      I think you’re right about the some guys being just weird. Well, I KNOW you’re right about that! 🙂

      It was just so ODD (not to mention loud). Maybe it is some weird testosterone fueled thing (although I’d bet money on Guy A actually needing to open that closet door).

      Would’ve loved to see your friend’s face as he nearly bit it on the TM after your Halle Berry comment.

  • JavaChick
    November 19, 2009 - 6:38 am ·

    Or maybe they are Werewolves! What? Anything is possible…

    Okay, okay, totally sidetracked by Buffy reference. What can I say? I still miss Buffy.

Archives

Categories