Arach Attack!

Saturday morning, I woke up bright & early (and feeling pretty proud of my brew-fest moderation) to go to the dentist. Now, I loved the dentist. I loved my every six month checkups & cleanings (and would have gone once a month for cleanings had my insurance allowed it).

Everything seemed to go along swimmingly. I saw the new dentist that had just joined the practice – and when he looked at my teeth, he complimented them. He did his exam, and then tapped again on one tooth, “Does this hurt?”

I said no, in that way one does when someone else’s hands are in your mouth.

“Hmmm….” he said. And then told the hygeniest that I have a cavity on tooth 18.

At this point, I may have gotten a little concerned. In fact, there may have been a few tears when the words “filling” and “drill” were thrown out.

So – at the tender young age of 32, I have my first cavity. The dentist rushed to reassure me – it’s not my fault, I didn’t do anything wrong, there won’t even have to be any novacaine – it’s just a tiny, tiny surface cavity. You won’t be able to see the filling and no one will ever have to know. (Except for the internets, of course.)

So, I have an appointment for my filling, which they assured me is no big deal. I did not get a lot of sympathy from the architect who had root canals and crowns and other exciting things done to him in January.

ANYWAYS, I was driving home (instead of to the gym, because obviously I was too traumatized to swim) and I stopped for a coffee & breakfast at a place I have always wanted to stop. I ordered this savory croissant thingy and a 16 oz non-fat vanilla latte. They gave me a 12 oz iced latte with no vanilla. I just wanted to leave, so I took it, although I did get some vanilla added to it.

Then, I stopped at a yard sale & scored 4 outdoor chairs for $4 (bonus – they’re red & green, so will be perfect for my outdoor Christmas party) and then proceeded home. About 1 mile from home, I saw a movement out of the corner of my left eye. On the window (inside) was this spider (do not click if you have a spider issue – not for faint of heart – I almost passed out trying to find this picture).

So, I did what any sensible arachnaphobe would do – I rolled down the window & shrieked, “Get out of my car *bad word*.”

Apparently that is no way to speak to an agent of Satan. Instead of getting out of my car, it fell on my lap. I pulled over (after doing the fastest bicyclist check ever) and used a notebook to attempt to fling the spider out of my now-open car door. I may have still been yelling obscenities at Lucifer’s minion. The spider fell onto my foot.  I hopped out of the car (which is still running) and proceeded to yell at the ambassador of Apollyon (which either amused or frightened the large groups of bicyclists who rode by at just the right time)  until he showed his eyes. I scooped him up (still with notebook) and flung him into the street. I did some deep breathing exercises & got back in my car. I kept feeling like there were spiders on my feet, but when I would check (which I did approximately 5,000 times in that last mile), there weren’t.

Later, I was relating that story to the architect while we were driving between nurseries (and I was still feeling all creepy crawly), and I looked down to check (again) and there was a SPIDER ON MY FOOT. I killed it dead (it was a bit smaller than Beelzebub’s broker). Later, in the garden, a largish garden spider jumped out at me from the lettuce (seriously – do not click that link).

And then, a bit later still, when I went to put on a pair of shoes, there was a spider IN MY SHOE. The next morning, I woke up with spider bites on my neck.

The next night, I went to the bedroom, prepared for a peaceful slumber, and there, above my pillow, was a common house spider.  And again, the next morning – another one was waiting for me in the bathroom.

This morning, I walked into a spider web on my way out of the house.

Obviously there is something going on. Something bad. If I disappear, I just want you to know – the spiders got me.

Recent Comments

  • Carolina John
    June 3, 2009 - 11:56 am ·

    holy cow. that’s nuts! it is the time of year when the bugs all come out i guess. i found a 4′ black snake in the backyard yesterday. woah.

  • Lisa
    June 3, 2009 - 11:59 am ·

    OMFG… I would’ve been in a car accident had that happened to me. I am freaked out now reading about all you spider experiences. Yuck and Gross.

  • Alisa
    June 3, 2009 - 12:19 pm ·

    Great! Now I feel like I have spiders crawling all over me! ICK!

    I went to the dentist today. No cavities for moi but since I only have two wisdom teeth they told me I should probably have those pulled at some point.

  • cindy
    June 3, 2009 - 5:15 pm ·

    ewwww!!!! gah! those spiders are scary! i know they’re supposed to be good, etc etc. some of my friends say they never kill them. to me, they are the enemy. i will drop a book on them (b/c i’m too scared to touch them) to kill those muthas. i think you would agree with this given your day of spider hell. blechhhh!

    • gazelle
      June 4, 2009 - 12:54 pm ·

      I do try to live & let live outside, but dammit they need to make it a little easier for me to look the other way!

      (And the architect gets the primary spider removal duty, with the cats as backup.)

  • Sarah
    June 3, 2009 - 7:01 pm ·

    I am such a big fan of the dentist! Need to go 🙂 Thanks for the reminder. And I had a spider moment this morning. I almost fell out of the shower. Thought of you!

  • SnowDance
    June 4, 2009 - 4:18 am ·

    I received my first cavity after living in Portland and was the ripe young age of about 29 or 30 maybe? Damn no fluoride in the water…I believe it is a conspiracy. And I must admit, getting a hole drilled in your tooth is kind of cool…of course, this came many years after the torture I experienced with braces, a bridge in my mouth that had a key to turn every night, a front lip bumper, etc. Nothing at this point has compared to that living hell.

    Thought of you this weekend on a hike, where I was in front and breaking all the spider webs. I wonder what all these attacks signify…it must be something!

    • gazelle
      June 4, 2009 - 12:55 pm ·

      When I’m on the trails, I miss you so much because you were my spider web front woman!

      Are you coming to my party?

  • Calyx Meredith
    June 4, 2009 - 4:30 am ·

    You don’t have fluoride in your water there? Weird!

    (The picture with way too many eyes there at the bottom of your post made me shriek but then I got distracted by SnowDance’s comment and didn’t go “Eeeeeek!” like I was planning to right off the bat.)

    How are the corn children?

  • Jen
    June 4, 2009 - 5:59 am ·

    Ok I just scrolled through the spider story and past the photo without even looking because I am SO scared of them! I think I glimpsed that it feel on your foot and now I’m going to vomit.

    I can’t believe this is your first cavity!! You’re my dental hero. Great job! 🙂

  • T.A.O
    June 4, 2009 - 7:15 am ·

    I thought some “Cure” lyrics would make you feel a little more at ease:

    Stealing past the windows of the blissfully dead
    looking for the victim shivering in bed
    searching out fear in the gathering gloom and
    a movement in the corner of the room!
    and there is nothing i can do
    when i realize with fright
    that the spiderman is having me for dinner tonight!

  • Carrie
    June 4, 2009 - 8:53 am ·

    That’s awesome you had the wherewithal to do the bicycle check! I once nearly caused a multi-car pile up because there was a hornet in the car. Carrie+anythingwithastinger=instant loss of brain function.

  • auntie
    June 4, 2009 - 10:22 am ·


    pretty sure i have sympathetic post-traumatic stress disorder from reading this post…must convince boss to let me go home.


  • kristen
    June 4, 2009 - 2:15 pm ·

    What the hell did you do to piss of the spider gods? And you can never have enough chairs for the outdoor christmas party.