Monthly Archives: October 2007

Happy Anniversary

To my favorite architect. One year down! Lots and lots and lots to go. ha ha ha ha ha…..(well, it is Halloween, so I gots to be kinda scary, right?)

I love you very much. In a NOT scary way.

All better….mostly

So – it turns out that unexpected periods can really wreak havoc with the already fragile psyche of someone who suffers (loudly and melodramatically) from Seasonal Affect Disorder.

I am feeling much better now, and credit that in part to my talking about what was going on, in part to my persistence with the exercise, and in part to the $500 Macy’s gift card that I won. It’s really the trifecta of working through angst and depression and the dark.

So – I had a pretty good weekend.

Friday evening (after I finally got home…things were a bit…slow due to some accident – our bus driver’s exact words were, “I’ll take you if you want to go, but unless your idea of a fun Friday night is three hours in a bus with me, you might want to try a different way”).

The architect and I got some Thai take-out and watched Planet Terror and 1408. I loved Planet Terror – but then I really like cheese, violent movies that don’t take themselves too seriously. Also? I kinda love both Rose McGowan and Freddy Rodriguez. That was so much fun.

The rest of the weekend sounds much busier than it felt.

Saturday we went to macy’s to spend the $500. We got a new knife set for the kitchen – which was desperately needed – six years of the Wal-mart set just wasn’t cutting it anymore. hee. We also bought a decanter since I’d broken the last one. The architect got some new clothes (three shirts, some pants and some sock) – which were desperately needed. I also got some new clothes – a skirt, a pair of pants, and a pair of blue jeans (Calvin Klein, natch), two sweaters, a belt (also desperately needed) and some tights. $500 at Macy’s doesn’t go nearly as far as you think it will.

After the shopping, we rushed home to pack up the kitteh and take him BACK to the vet, hoping that this week, he’d let them touch him long enough to get his shots. Fortunately, he was not a Tasmanian devil this time – although he did bite me – and hard. His tooth touched my finger bone actually. Blech. I think when I arrived to the vet asking for a 1st aid kit that frightened the already intimidated vet techs (he already bit someone? and it was his owner?) but they got through it, and we got a free towel (no one wanted to retrieve the head-covering towel from his box).

Then, the yard work.

And next? Dinner at Grolla Restaurant. We didn’t do the tasting menu, and the menu changes pretty frequently. We started with the bread basket and some champagne. Next we had the hummus appetizer and some gorgonzola stuffed polenta cakes (so very very good). For the entree, I had a white bean stew in roasted squash (so pretty) and the architect had sea scallops with white bean stew. Double-yum. For dessert, we had the chevre cheesecake. We also split a bottle of some very good Pinot Gris.

So delicious. After dinner, we just went home and collapsed in a food coma.

Sunday morning, I did another 5.5 mile run, and then the architect and I went to Multnomah Falls for a hike. It was all romantical, since we’d gotten married there almost a year ago. It was very nice, and we actually saw a wedding there! So that was cool.

After hiking (and running!) I was starving, so we stopped at Tad’s Chicken & Dumplings on the way back. The chicken and dumplings were amazing. So yummy. The dumplings were the size of baseballs!

I was pretty wiped out when we got home, so I took a bath, cleaned out my closet of all non-fitting clothes, and then just lazed. We watched Transformers last night (which I loved!) and then I was asleep by 11.

It’s looking like a pretty busy week – but next weekend I’m in LA! WOO!

So – all is well now. For a while, at least.

And sometimes, things aren’t so good.

This week has been hard. A number of factors have made it that way.

1. For no reason that I can discern, I am crampy and moody and depressed

2. Except for a brief day of beauty on Tuesday, it’s been chilly and (in the case of yesteday) gray

3. I didn’t hit my desired weight during my Wednesday weigh-in

4. I lost my wedding ring this morning, and with #1-3 above, and my first anniversary less than a week away, I can’t help but see that as a bad omen

5. Did I mention the cramps?

6. And the depression?

I don’t understand sometimes. Tuesday, all was well. Yesterday? Not so much. I know that the one thing that keeps me going sometimes is the exercise, and I went and worked out last night (it helped!) and walked at lunch today (also helpful). I also had a piece of pizza for lunch, which is verboten (because of the cheese, but dammit! Sometimes a girl needs some cheese).

It’s weird how it’s so easy for me to write about weight-loss (I shared my weight with the internets) and shoes and politics and all sorts of things, but to write about depression is hard.

It’s so taboo, and I’m not sure why. Right now, I’m all uncomfortable in the pit of my stomach, and I don’t think its all because of the cramps. It’s because I’m nervous. Wondering if I’m even going to hit publish.

But how many people do you know that suffer from some form of *whisper* mental illness? Those scary, scary words that always conjure up images of Jack Nicholson and straight jackets. I know more than a couple of people who have suffered from mental illnesses – depression and bipolar being the most represented (actually, I don’t know if I’ve ever met anyone who suffered from any other illnesses, although I once worked for someone that I [maliciously and perhaps untruthfully] swore had multiple personality disorder).

I have been diagnosed with bipolar, albeit a fairly mild case. Most of the time. More troubling, especially now that I’ve left the sunny south is the problem that I have (and have had for as long as I can remember) with the Seasonal Affect Disorder. It darkens, and I darken. I try to get out and make sure I’m getting a bit of light every day, but I’m not sure how much that’s helping. It’s getting harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning, harder to concentrate on tasks at hand, harder to care about my lack of concentration.

I guess the bright spot in all this (certainly isn’t the sun, which prefers warmer climes in winter, much like the house martin or the plover) is that I was expecting this – and have an appointment to see what to do about it. And that appointment is only 1.5 weeks away (right after my whirlwind trip to LA, where the sunshine lives).

It’s not like I’m going to throw myself under a bus or anything. In fact, the only real danger at this point is that I won’t get out of my pajamas on Sunday, and will maybe eat some more cheese.

So – if posting is sparse for awhile, that’s why – hard to think of anything to write about, hard to even look for shoes to share….but, because I am a giver (which honestly, part of the problem, I think), here are the shoes that I purchased in Chicago this summer…can’t believe I haven’t previously shared them!

(Cheaper online than they were at the store I purchased them in….)

So – there you go. I think I’m all done with honesty for awhile, so maybe tomorrow we can talk about how I won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 2009.

Quickly becoming a weight-loss blog


But, this is a lot of what I’m doing lately. I never thought I’d be that person. You know, the one who comes to work and says, “Yesterday I ran 5.6 miles, and then immediately followed it up with a 11 mile road bike ride. I’ve never had an endorphin rush like that.”

But I am that person.

I’m also the person who told her co-worker today that this was her day off from exercise as they left the building for their 60-minute hill walk. As soon as the words started to come out of my mouth, I realized it probably doesn’t count as a day off from exercise if you actually exercise that day. But, I am a crazy person, so maybe it does.

It’s been an interesting challenge. When I first started WW in 2003, it was about the time I met my (now) husband. He is a pretty physically fit person, and it was humiliating that I couldn’t even complete a 4 mile hike without wanting to die. I lost 40 pounds that first year. And then, it stopped. I didn’t really gain much back until this year, it started creeping again (I think last winter was to blame – there were a lot of cookies, and a lot of rain, and a lot of dark). I’m (so far) down slightly more than 20 now, but even if I never lost another pound, I wouldn’t care too much.

I am a runner.

And I’m starting to be one of those annoying people who thinks that everyone would just love running as much as I do if they’d just give it a good shot. If you got some really good, professionally fitted shoes. Run on a day like today (70 degrees, fall, beautiful leaves, that awesome summer/autumn smell of pine and dying leaves). Get that runner’s high. See…’s awesome isn’t it?

The other interesting thing about the WW this time is that there are two people in my office who also participate, so we can encourage each other, share recipes, and talk about how many points things are.

The recipes are the most fun for me. I love to cook (most of the time) and I love to eat (all of the time) so finding a way to eat all those things I want in a healthy manner has been interesting. Add in my other dietary restrictions (no mushrooms, no red meat or pork, very little fish [because it creeps me out] and now, no dairy) has been a very interesting journey.

So tonight? Since I’m not hitting the gym (it’s my day off, remember?), we’re having

Turkey Shepherd’s Pie with Sweet Potato Topping.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Also, if you know of a good Vegan cookbook that utilizes a lot of soy protein items, do let me know. I’m not planning on following a strict vegan lifestyle (chickens and cheeses are too important to me), but I would like to learn to make more than stir-fry with tofu.

Also, have any of you ever taken adult swimming lessons? I really want to do a Triathlon next summer, and I know I can do the running (10K – no problem) and the biking (24.8 mi – can do with some training). But the swimming (.93 mi – which is something like 32/33 laps in a standard non-olympic pool) worries me. When I was swimming twice a week, I could do about 30 laps without stopping, but I am so slow. Everyone else would be done with their race by the time I got out of the water…, I need to get better. But, I’m also not a beginner, so don’t want one of those “don’t be scared of the water – learn to swim” courses. It’s rather unfortunate that I didn’t live in a town with a pool between the ages of 6 & 18. That might’ve helped.

So – that was a lot of rambling. This is going to be a long week, I think.

Hey Los Angeles

Please stop being on fire now, okay? I was hoping for heat, but not for the searing ash-filled lung type.