I don’t think there is a way to get through life without meeting a few crazies…and even collecting some of the more fun ones.  But I often find that it can be an effort to stay away from the ones who end up being nothing but an energy suck.

The best example I can think of is the woman I lived with for six months after my friend Marcy left me all alone in Los Angeles (sob, sob) and I had to find a roommate.

Lisa seemed okay right away.  She was a grad student (in poetry, I think – there can be no other reason for such a profusion of terribly bad poetry about 9/11).  She was a little dark.  Seemed a good sport, and was often stoned.  She was at least as liberal as I was.  I couldn’t tell she was unhinged.

Then, it started getting weird.  She got a cat (which I was all excited about – I love the furry monsters).  Then her cat tried to eat my fish.  So I kept the door to my room closed.  Logical, right?  Or, if you are a crazy person, maybe animal cruelty.

Before I knew what had happened, she’d gotten a padlock for her own bedroom door and kept her cat locked up in there all the time.  The cat, he peed on everything.  During one of his little pee-issues, she thought the best way to disperse the odor was by burning candles.  Which makes sense, right?  Unless of course, you choose to burn the hand-made candles that your roommate recently received for her birthday.  And then you burned those candles on your roommate’s bookshelf.  And then your roommate would come home to little waxy puddles scorched to the wood (because who puts candle holders under decorative candles?  not me).

I’m sure I was an irritating roommate, as well.  But, most of the stuff in the apartment was mine – something she, as a furniture-less grad student, professed to like.  But she ruined many of my things – cookware, furniture, mental health, faith in humanity.

I’ll be the first to admit that I am not the cleanest person ever, but I wasn’t home that much (and as time progressed, I was home less and less).  I had a fun, new boyfriend.  And new friends.  And other friends.  She had one friend.  Who stayed at our place a lot.  Then, she started dating someone she met through me.  That didn’t work out so well.

Finally, after six months of hell, she told me she was moving to New Orleans after she graduated.  She gave me, oh, about 2 weeks notice.  And asked for her deposit back.  I told her she couldn’t have it back until I found a replacement for her….which turned out to be good, since it later turned out that she hadn’t paid rent for two months – and hadn’t payed her half of the other bills, either.

Which was exciting – because when I found out, that gave me approximately 3 weeks to find a new place to live – and I forfitted all of my security deposit to cover her rent.

I haven’t seen her in almost 4 years, but I still get all twitchy thinking about her.  She’s one of the only two people I know that would cause met to contemplate NOT stopping should they appear in front of my car. (not really – I would never risk my car that way.)

So – tell me – who was your worst roommate?  Or even just the most draining person you couldn’t get out of your life?

(ps – damn, it feels good to be a gangsta’)

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