1. If you’ve recently had abdominal surgery and it hurts like hell to laugh, never ever ever plan a viewing of Monty Python’s Flying Circus and then follow it up with back-to-back episodes of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. Because the noise you will make trying not to laugh will scare your pets. And possibly your spouse.
2. If you’ve recently had surgery, and you’re going into work a full week before your doctor recommended that you go to work, do not try to squeeze your distended abdomen into blue jeans, even if they are normally two sizes too large. Sweat pants are really okay.
3. Accept help when it’s offered. Pride after surgery is stupid and will likely result in you wearing yourself out.
4. No matter how many times you tell your cat that it’s not okay to jump on your belly, he will not remember next time he sees you. Take all necessary precautions.
5. Feeling guilty for having a necessary surgery is not necessary nor is it helpful. Trying to compensate for that guilt by spending 9 hours at the office one week after surgery is stupid. It will make you very very tired.
6. Just because your friends mock you for your supermodel diet doesn’t mean you actually have to eat more if you don’t want to. A cup of soup and a handful of cheerios is a perfectly acceptable amount of food to eat in one day. Something that I have a hard time with when I’m well is stopping eating when I’m full – I’m certainly not going to push my limits when I have incisions all over my belly. Also, maybe it’s good training.
7. Don’t drive yourself to the grocery store less than a week after surgery. Even if you manage the trip and get the groceries, there is no way you’re going to carry them all up a flight of stairs to your apartment – much less be able to put them away.
8. Fat free sorbet is not, no matter what anyone says, a good substitute for ice cream.
9. If you are on a terribly restrictive diet, and you are contemplating making something creative for dinner, check all your ingredients against the “do not eat” list before eating – it might save you some serious pain and discomfort.
10. If Diet Coke is on the “okay to have” list, then it is okay to have it, even though you’ve recently tried to completely eliminate it from your diet. There are so few things on the “okay to have” list that it doesn’t matter in the long run. Just don’t get carried away….moderation, even in illness.
All this lovely wisdom courtesy of the last week. Piece of advice #5 is courtesy of yesterday. I don’t think I was more wiped out after my Mt. Whitney attempt.
I’m hoping next week, the content is back to more cheerful things. Like food and falling down (well, maybe not falling down) and funny people I see. I have given up the 3/24 10K, and am planning on doing just a 5K on that day. I’m a little disappointed, but at this point, there is no way that I’m going to be able to train up to a 10K in one month, especially after losing virtually two months of training.
So – I’ll try to be funnier next week. It is my pledge to you. And Claire, I’m sorry, but there can be no pie field research for about a month. I’ll do my best to get back to it as soon as possible – because I am a giver.