Tag Archives: job

Moving Day!

I have been in the process of moving my website from one place to another for a long time. I’ve been blogging at gazellesoncrack since 2006 (although I’ve owned amycissell.com for just as long). Today amycissell.com is live. There might be a few broken links or broken forms, so bear with me as I get through them, but overall, this should look just like home.

My ex-husband gave me the inspiration for gazellesoncrack and I fully embraced it. I am not graceful. (In fact, in college, there was a person who regularly just called me Grace.) This is not an untruth. For 11+ years, my entire online identity was wrapped around gazelleosncrack.

But in the past 11 years, I’ve become so much more–this space has become so much more. It started as a place to share my clumsiness and book reviews, became a place to share my clumsiness, book reviews, and shoe pr0n. Morphed into a place to discuss clumsiness, book reviews, shoes, and my health & weight loss journey. Then it skidded sideways into a pregnancy tracker and half-hearted mommy blog. All of this while doing my best to hide my real name from the internets.

And now-this is where we are.

There’s a lot less focus on the awkward (although that still exists), I never talk about shoes anymore (my interest in pretty shoes fell to the wayside about the time I had foot surgery), and my posts about my kid are getting fewer and further between as he gets older (and so much bigger, omg, he comes up to my chest now!).

It’s book reviews and writing and health (physical and mental).

I was doing a meditation this morning (seriously guys, if you haven’t read Rebekah Borucki’s You Have 4 Minutes to Change Your Life, get on that) and realized that the last two years have been nothing but attempts to breathe out the bad and breathe in the good.

I breathed out the job that I hated with the passion of a thousand fiery suns. The job that made me have panic attacks and high-level anxiety. The job that caused me to stress-eat and stress-starve (and may have fucked up my entire digestive system semi-permanently). The breath maybe wasn’t as controlled as I’d have preferred, but it’s gone, it’s out, and this is better.

I breathed out a marriage that had been weighing me down for longer than I care to admit. Letting go of a relationship that doesn’t buoy you is harder than it ought to be. Adding a kid to the mix certainly doesn’t make that process easier.

I breathed in new possibilities. I published a book (soon to be two). I’m taking control of that part of my life.

I breathed in a new job that, although not as exciting as it could be, still pays me with real money and affords me the time and energy to continue to work on my writing.

I breathed in a new relationship with a wonderful man who continually surprises me with how much he’s willing to give to me and my son, just because he loves us.

There are still things that I need to let go of and still things I need to pick up. I need to be bolder, more brazen, more confident. I need to be less anxious, less self-deprecating, less willing to put myself and my needs last. More movement, fewer excuses. More running, less sitting.

I started meditating – started being a person who meditates – when things were terribly, terribly bad earlier this year. I’d just turned 40 and was broke. Unemployed. So anxiety-riddled that I couldn’t tell where my brain was anymore. The one meditation I did over and over and over was (again, from the aforementioned book): “Your situation may look like a mess. That’s real. But you are not that mess.”

That got me through March. I started this job the end of April. I’m sleeping better. Eating better. And (and hopefully the beer guy will back me on this) being an all-around happier, more relaxed person.

I’m not saying that mediation got me a job and fixed my crazy, but there is evidence to show that mindfulness and mediation have a positive effect on anxiety (and a whole host of things!). And less anxious = all around better everything.

I’m still not meditating every day, but I’m definitely getting to “more often than not.”

Which brings me back to moving. Moving on. Moving up. This is one more letting go. Letting go of the gazelle that I so identify with “ten years ago Amy” and “Amy who was married to the architect” and “Amy who was too scared to really live.” (My spell check suggests I mean “Amy who was too sacred to really live…interesting…)

Now, instead of taking a name someone else gave me, we are here. At amycissell.com. (Yeah, I know that technically someone else gave me that damn name, too, but hey! It’s very me. 40 years of me, in fact.) I might never achieve the level of fearlessness I’d like, but I’m going to stop letting fear hold me back from what I want.

I will no longer be a dreamer of dreams. I will be a doer of things.

So welcome. Welcome to Amy Cissell Writes. The past is all here – I don’t want to start fresh because the lessons I’ve learned have been invaluable, but let’s move forward with fresh goals, shiny new intentions, and a courage that belies the fear.

 

Three Things Thursday: New Job Edition

  1. I’m on day 4 of new job. I think I am going to like new job. I think the work will be interesting, if not terribly challenging once I get up to speed, and the culture is really going to work for me.
  2. Next week, I will join the gym. I will swim there. And maybe lift some things. And yoga class! It’s much closer to my office than the gym at my last place of employment, and I was fairly successful in getting my ass there.
  3. New commute is the only thing I do not like. It’s better than the commute to my old place of employment, but not better than walking from my bedroom to the office (ALL THE WAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE) in jeans and a t-shirt.

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Three (3!) Things Thursday

1. Yesterday morning, the architect & I woke up to a very loud noise at about 2 am. We rushed to the window to see what was the matter. Turns out, it wasn’t jolly st. nick & 8 tiny reindeer. It was one of our walnut trees uprooting and falling onto the architect’s pickup. We also were powerless (well, without electricity, anyways) all night, so it was a chilly, dark, and snowy morning! I made it to work about 9:30, and the architect waited at home for PGE to come cut down the tree, since it was leaning on some lines. He waited. And waited. And after the power went on, he plugged in my kick-ass chainsaw and with the help of a couple of neighbors, cut down the biggest parts on his truck. Finally, at about 8 pm or so last night, PGE came and cut down the rest of the tree. Apparently they were a bit busy yesterday!

 

2. I am four weeks away from finishing school! I would be super excited if I wasn’t so stressed out about finishing school! And work! (ha! just kidding, mom – I am not stressed at all. In fact, I am currently floating on a zen cloud made of unicorns.)

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3. I am writing this on Wednesday night (as is my custom), and it’s 11 pm. I haven’t been asleep for almost 21 hours. I hate these periodic insomnia episodes! If I weren’t floating on unicorn clouds, I’m sure it would be stress related. The job is a bit…much right now. Good news – after Friday, the job will go back to normal stress levels, and I’m hoping to sleep for 48 hours straight this weekend. Or at least 10 hours in 2-hour increments.(This is, however, nothing to worry about if you are, by chance, my mother & are just here to see a pic of the architect’s truck. Really – I tell lies on the internet to make myself seem more interesting. I actually sleep like a baby.)

 

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