I had the architect take a picture of me last night when I got home, but I hated it, and tried to edit it, and then
deliberately accidentally deleted it. Also, I am not, apparently, one of those pregnant women who enjoys looking at the pictures of my body and the changes. And right now, I’m needing positivity, and since the photo didn’t make me feel positive, I am 100% positive that I don’t need to share it.
So – news!
Baby size:15.2 inches-ish; 2.5 -2.75 lbs (about the size of a butternut squash)
I’m feeling: Pretty good, not any more awkward than last week. I’m still having trouble sleeping, which I’m assuming will not get better any time soon. I actually feel mostly better than last week.
Physical changes: I’m still an innie, but the belly button gets shallower every day. I am itchy, itchy, itchy, though. I would bathe in lotion if it were practical and not extremely messy sounding. I’m having more round ligament pain this week, which worries me, because how much bigger is this belly going to get?
Baby stuff: Alvie Bean is still wicked active. It’s been nice, actually. The architect has got to have a lot of baby/daddy time. He can see him move & feel not just the kicks, but the random crawling about. I can feel him get the hiccups about once a day, which is just amusing.
Body Image: It goes back and forth. I haven’t stepped on a scale in a while, and I’m not going to. I eat healthy. I exercise as much as I can with the rest of my life stuff going on. Yeah – I eat ice cream waaaay more often than I did before, but for the first time in years, I can eat ice cream without nasty lactose intolerant side affects, and I’m going to keep on with that until Alvie’s born and I can no longer digest dairy again.
Food stuff: I have been craving chicken and dumplings lately. I was super excited yesterday when it was the special in the cafeteria where I work. I should have known better (it is, after all, called a cafeteria, and that is seldom the locale for fantastic food), but it was so disappointing! So now, I think I need to make chicken & dumplings this weekend. Yum. Comfort food!
Prep Work (Things to do between now & Alvie Bean Day)
January: Find a pediatrician, lock down a daycare, recycle all the old electronics in the office, get the carpet cleaning appointment made,
find a maid service for quarterly deep cleans, finalize shower list for shower giver! And now, find a new doula, since mine quit last Monday.
February: Attend childbirth & breastfeeding classes, take babymoon, make sure all essentials are purchased (diapers and carseat at this point!), pack hospital bag
March: Finish getting less essential essentials (rocking chair, crib, changing table, other random stuff), make a plan for freezer meals, finish getting nursery ready, sign up for FMLA
Dump(ing my depression on the internet) Day…
It’s very hard to separate the upcoming birth of my son from my thoughts about my father. My dad will start radiation and chemo in about 3 weeks, and it’s very unlikely that either he or my mom will be able to fly out to see Alvie post-birth. My current plan is that as soon as I’m cleared to travel, the architect & I will fly back to South Dakota and I will stay for a week or two so that my dad can meet his grandson. I’ll probably have to fly back by myself (eek!) but at least will have the architect for the trip out.
Right now, I’m just trying to figure out how to stay calm and strong for the baby and for my mom, finish grad school (5 more weeks!), continue to do my job, and then have a freaking baby. I was right on the edge of too much before, and am at a little of a loss on how to stay afloat and sane now. I alternately want to drink all the beer in North Portland (bad for the baby! and for me, too, I suppose) and just go run Wildwood Trail (ditto w/ the bad). Finding the time to relax is harder than I thought it would be – so much work and homework, and then I’m tired.
I feel really needy right now, but I’m not quite sure what it is I need. Perspective? Help? More time? Fewer commitments? To win the lottery? Balance? (Yes.) I am going to try to post a little each week on how I’m doing in regards to all the shit I’m wading through. I know I’m not the only one to go through something like this, and I am not try to win (or even compete in) the pain olympics, but it’s still hard. I also know that we’ll come through this time.
For anyone who is interested in keeping up with my dad’s progress, he does have a Caring Bridge site. The journal is updated about once/day – either by me or my mom.
Thank you everyone for your best wishes on my dad’s behalf. The internet is awesome.
Baby = good
Me = crazy
Architect = awesome
Friends = more wonderful than I can express