Listening to Fear

So – my surgery is a week from tomorrow. Only seven days lie between me and the deliberate breaking of bones.

That is crazy. When I scheduled this surgery, it was so far away. And my foot has been feeling FINE (REALLY!) lately. Provided I don’t wear closed-toe shoes. Or if beagles don’t step on me. And if I sit down a lot.

Tomorrow, I have two pre-surgery appointments. I am preparing a list of questions for the surgeon. Some of those questions are:

  1. What kind of exercises can I do with my boot on to maintain a basic level of fitness?
  2. Will I be able to drive?
  3. How soon can I be fairly mobile? (I have a party to throw, after all)
  4. How much pain can I reasonably expect?
  5. Can you shave a little off the calves as long as you’re down there?  There is this pair of killer boots (seriously – I think I could actually kill someone with those heels) that I would love to be able to fit into – far, far in the future, of course.
  6. Can I borrow a wheel chair for the week following surgery? Otherwise, I might be hauled around town in a wheelbarrow (you may not want details).
  7. Local or general? Also, who will be my anesthesiologist?
  8. Do you promise not to horribly maul my foot so that I can never wear shoes again? (You’d be surprised how many people know someone to whom this has happened and feel compelled to tell me every detail of the surgery-gone-wrong.)
  9. What kind of pain medication am I going to get?
  10. What do you anticipate for a recovery timeline?

Are there any other questions I should ask?

I don’t mind telling you guys that I am getting nervous. If, by nervous, you mean scared.

I am so afraid that I am going to be in insane amounts of pain & will cry for five days. I keep trying to tell myself that I have a really high pain tolerance (example: the day I had emergency surgery, the only reason I went to the doctor at all was because I had an appointment already scheduled, and I didn’t mention the pain until after the full lady-bits exam). I actually still have about half of the pain pill prescription from that surgery left, because I didn’t need them (and I hate taking pills).

I am going to be fine, right?

Except that everyone keeps telling me (as if this is somehow helpful in any way) that foot surgeries are really painful, and that I should expect a lot of pain, and oh, by the way, have they mentioned the pain?

So – seriously. If, in the next 7 days, anyone mentions the extreme pain I should be anticipating post-surgery, I am reserving the right to help them feel extreme pain immediately. WITH A FIST IN THE FACE! Or something. Maybe I’ll just go for emotional pain infliction (I’m not really a violent person).

AND – if anyone comments on how much pain I will feel, I will delete your comment and BAN YOU from my blog. Somehow. And also inflict emotional pain. (You look fat in that outfit and you’re pretty stupid.) (Just practicing.)



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