PORN!

I know, gentle readers – it has been too long. The stresses of the last couple of months (school! work! marathon training! crime spree [directed against me, not perpetrated by me]) took their toll, and I left you adrift in a shoeless world.

BUT! No more! Because I am completely selfish selfless, I bring you another episode of “help me pick my porn.” I know that there is nothing you like more than helping me pick out my new shoes that I am buying for myself as a reward for running 26.2 miles and attempting to destroy my feet. They NEED new shoes to know that they are truly appreciated. You don’t want my feet to be sad, do you?

It is fall, which, at this time of year, is my favorite season. (Come April, I will wax poetic about my love of spring and the upcoming sandal season. I am easy that way.)

Fall means sweaters. And soup. And pumpkins. And boots.  Definitely boots. I love boots, but unfortunately for me, my calves are calves of POWER, which doesn’t seem to help me out in any real-world way. They don’t make me stronger. Or faster. Or taller. Or anything useful. They do, however, prevent me from wearing knee-high boots. (I know they make “wide calf” boots, but have you seen them? They are not cute. I only do cute.) (Also, in reviewing boots, there seems to be a trend that involves creating false cankles. Why is this? Who looks for boots saying, “I just want my ankles to look wider than my foot, and, if possible, thicker than my actual calf?”)

SO – anyways – fun things that happen in fall footwear include the following.

The only size left is my size. But will they fit over my calves of monstrosity?

These are CUTE! And work appropriate! And they look so comfy

These are CUTE! And work appropriate! And they look so comfy

Also cute - and I love the detailing. The thicker heels are awesome, too.

Also cute - and I love the detailing. The thicker heels are awesome, too.

These arent black - SHOCKING! - but super cute. I love the little bow.

These aren't black - SHOCKING! - but super cute. I love the little bow.

I love Mary Janes

I love Mary Janes

So – which should I purchase?

#1 – Kenneth Cole Reaction Change of Heart Boot

#2 – Anne Klein Sweet Pea

#3 – Etienne Aigner Remmi

#4 – Pink Studio Alana

#5 – Tahari Fawn

I need your help, people! I cannot have all 5!