I am 2/3 happy right now. But the 1/3 of me that is unhappy, is really, really unhappy.


This is the wedding photo of one of my best friends, Brad.

Although the No on Prop 8 campaign is not willing to officially call it yet (based on approximately 3 million uncounted votes), it looks like 52% of Californiavoters were able to constitutionalize discrimination. I don’t understand why anyone is allowed to pass laws condoning bigotry – that seems so 1780s – but apparently we do allow a slim majority to legalize discrimination against a minority group.

I am so angry & sickened. I don’t think that this will go down without a fight, though. Even if Prop H8 does pass (as looks likely), it will be challenged, and will likely be back on the ballot in 2010 (and 2012 and as long as it takes)….but the exit polls showed the under 30s voted overwhelmingly NO (and the over 65s overwhelming YES), and the 30-65 about 46/54 in favor of the prop….which means that each successive generation is less bigoted than the ones before. 

Also, I do plan on not being polite to asshats anymore on the basis that I’m the bigger person – fuck them & their bigotry. I’m not going to go out of my way to be hateful, but I’m not going to go out of my way to be nice.  I think our side tries too hard to be nice sometimes, and although sometimes the high road works (Obama) – sometimes people just need to have their evilness flung back into their faces.

This has really marred what should be a joyous election for the country.

And if I ever meet anyone who tells me that they voted YES on H8, I will have a few words. I don’t care if you don’t like gay people. Or if you don’t think gay people should get together and have their scary gay sex. It doesn’t matter. No one is going to make you have gay sex. No one is going to come into your home & convert your child to homosexuality. You’re not going to have suited representatives from the Church of Gaygo door-to-door to tell you about the benefits of being gay (ahem….religious solicitors). 

From the time I’ve spent with gay friends, I’ve gathered that most homosexuals are not actually wasting a great deal of time & energy figuring out how to destroy your marriage. 

You certainly can’t blame the hetero divorce rate on gay marriage, since divorce has been around longer than gay marriage. South Africa, Canada, the UK, and the Netherlands haven’t yet exploded into flames (hee-pun) despite having legalized gay unions.

If your religion says that gay marriage is bad – that’s fine. But my religion says otherwise. And, since we don’t have a theocracy here, then I think that it doesn’t matter what your religion says as long as I’m not trying to join it.

How can you look someone in the eyes and tell them that you are more worthy than they of a state sanctioned relationship – and all the rights & responsibilities that come with it?

How can you look at a couple that’s been together for 8 (or 20, or 50 years) and say that it’s not real?

How can you look at yourself in the mirror and believe that you truly are a good person if you’ve just voted to legislate hate?

A couple of hundred years ago, people used the Bible to justify slavery – and now it’s used to justify any bigotries that crop up. I think that completely ignores the point of Love. 

Love isn’t something parcelled out to a select few. And marriage isn’t something that’s only reserved for the people that believe how you believe – unless you’re going to invalidate my marriage, too. Afterall, I didn’t get married in a church. I’m not going to reproduce. 

I can’t swallow this lump in my throat. I know that this result is better than the 2000 vote (which had a 22% difference), and the next one, based on the fact that apparently younger people are much less prejudiced than older ones will be even better. But I think it’s time, world. Seriously. 


  1. This is a great post that sums up so much of how I feel. I’ve been sick over Prop 8…seeing all the Yes banners just is, is, is….Wrong. Seeing people have their 5 year olds wave those signs on the side of the road, knowing they are teaching that generation to look down on a whole group of people makes me so angry I can’t see straight.

    I know the day will come when the world will look back on this time and be ashamed that we allowed discrimination to rule the day…again. But it’s disheartening that we’re not there yet.

    1. I am especially angry when I see people making their kids participate in hate. Of course, that’s just my own prejudice, as I get choked up when I see parents & their kids doing things I approve of – like protest wars 🙂

  2. margaret

    what’s funny about the california constitution is that, back in the 1800s when it was written, it defined marriage as between two consenting adults, with gender neutral language. it wasn’t until the 1970’s that they put in some clause about men and women.

    the thing i dont understand about passing marriage between a man and a woman, is that it still violates the equal protection clause in the CA constitution (which is the clause the CA supreme court originally identified as what made prop 22, the other anti-gay legislation, unconstitutional). so, how does that work? does one part of the state constitution trump the other? and if the court decides that, won’t they just side with the equal protection clause again?

    1. I didn’t realize that about the constitution. But I think the conflict between the equal protection clause is going to mean that this actually can’t be put in the constitution. I think there are legal battles ahead.

      And all those “California judges ignore the will of the people” rhetoric is crap. the reason we have courts like that is to make sure the the wishes of the masses don’t trump the rights of the few.

      Miss you.

  3. You know, a few years ago i decided to start punching people again. just those who deserve it, not trying to start a fight or looking for a fight. Just people, for instance, yelling “can you hear me now” into a cell phone in the middle of a restaurant. They deserve one quick jab to the cheek or neck for interrupting my dinner.

    I think your 8hate supporters should be added to the list of people that deserve to be punched. It’s mostly old people and religious zealots (we’ve got a few of those here in the bible belt), and I have a tough time punching old people. at least they’ll be dead soon, maybe in time for the next ballot initiative.

    Eventually this too will be overcome. And religious zealots deserve to be punched for a whole lot of other reasons besides gay bigotry. Great post!

      1. It should be noted that i have yet to actually punch anyone since i decided to start doing it. it helps that i never leave the house except to train. and i suppose a swift kick in the shins is right on the level with what old people might expect. lol, you crack me up@!

    1. I keep trying to tell myself that we’re closer all the time. Bitch PhD has a great post about Prop H8 & the reasons why people voted for it. Not because they were necessary anti-gay, but due to the fears that were stirred up in their churches & by the conservative Yes on H8 campaigners.

  4. This is a really, really good post. And is essentially sums up how I feel about the situation.

    Oh and FYI you’re right – I can vouch that there have been NO plagues of locusts and the earth has NOT opened up and swallowed all of Canada whole since we legalized gay marriage 🙂

  5. I am so angry and sad too. I just don’t understand how our law can be so wishy washy. (God, that’s a lame term). It is against the law to discriminate based on sexual orientation. Period. That is all she wrote. So Prop 8 is totally unconstitutional (and stupid). It actually breaks my heart too, not that anybody thinks I have one.

    When I saw people toating thier Prop 8 signs, I gave them a thumbs down. Now, they are getting the bird. F-them.

    PS: Have you see the documentary “For the Bible Tells Me So” ? It’s awesome.

    1. I have not seen that doc – but have just added it to my Netflix queue. Have you seen Latter Days? I thought it was an excellent film (not a documentary).

      I think that what my friend Margaret said above (comment 5) is so true – since the Cal Supreme Court determined that the equal protection clause was being violated, how does this work? It seems like it would be a revision to the constitution, and not just an amendment, and a revision requires legislative approval as well, I think. It should be interesting.

  6. What a good post. I was so disappointed in California. I really expected more from that great state. I have friends who were married last year in San Francisco. (been together 19 years) So…what now? “Well, yeah, you got married last year, but you’re not married anymore.”
    Some people make me so sad and so angry all at the same time.

    1. The AG says that this will not invalidate any of the marriages that were performed between June & Nov, but as my friend Brad says, “but until Gloria Allred [confirms] that’s the case [he’s] still walking on eggshells.”

  7. I feel terrible about this as well. In Arkansas, they passed a proposition making it illegal for homosexuals to adopt or foster children. WHY???? Why are we acting like it’s the dark ages?
    Who is so insecure that they have to prevent other people from being happy?

    New law: conservatives can no longer buy cats.

    Why not? It makes as much sense as Prop 8.

    1. I think it’s awesome that Arkansans would rather keep children in a broken foster care system than allow people who REALLY WANT them to adopt them. That’s awesome.

      Do you think we could get a no cats for conservatives campaign going?

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