The unkindest cut of all….

I forgot to relay the worst event of the whole weekend. This terrible event made me sad and grumpy and (if you listen to the architect) proved that I am more than a little insane.

Saturday, I was doing yard work. In fact, I believe that I was weeding at the time (I love weeding – but that’s an insanity for another post). All of sudden, a large truck appeared on our block. And on the truck? Lots and lots of bins. Blue bins and green bins. It was our new recycling & yard waste bins. In the recycling bins, we can put anything! Yogurt containers! Soda cans! Chicken parts! And, in the yard waste bins, we can put – wait for it – yard waste! The exciting thing about the yard waste bins is that they are humongous, and I can use them to dispose of the scary & deadly poke weeds that inhabit my backyard, just waiting to pounce on an innocent child and force their dangerous berries down that child’s throat.

I watched, all aquiver, as the delivery people distributed the bins up & down the street. The driver started his engine, and one last pair of bins was unloaded and rolled off towards – not our house. And before I could even cry out, “where are my bins?” they were gone.

The architect is not nearly as upset as I am. He tried logic. He tried reason. But all I could think of was that I wasn’t good enough to make the dodge ball recycling team. Perhaps I was being punished for trying to recycle yogurt containers before they were accepted. Perhaps they knew that I wanted to put toxic weeds in my yard waste bin. Perhaps I just wasn’t pretty enough to recycle all my food waste that I can’t compost.

The rest of the weekend, whenever I would see a house with pretty, new bins that hadn’t yet been taken off the curb (likely the occupants were on vacation); all I could do was fantasize about stealing their bins. I didn’t, of course. The bins are MUCH too big to fit in my car, and I think it would be obvious if someone saw them rolling down the street (even if I could hide in one – they’re that big).

So, I have been slighted. The architect assures me that if we don’t receive bins in a couple of weeks, we can just call our disposal company & bins will be delivered to us – but I don’t know. What if they don’t believe us? What if they thing we’re lying and that we’re just crazy people who are trying to collect more than our fair share of bins?

Where will I put my chicken bones?


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