And now, for the not so bitchy

So – I went to Vegas.

The whole trip started out a little dicey. About 3 PM on Friday, I got one of the quickest-onset migraines I’ve had in a long, long time. Fortunately my friend Kim took me home and I got to rest in the semi-dark for a couple of hours before the architect drove me to the airport. After some soup and some rum, I was ready for the airport.

Once beverage service started, I asked the flight attendant what their gin was.


“Okay,” I started. “Hey, wait a minute, what did you say?”


“That’s not gin,” I said. “That’s whiskey.”

She walked (rather huffily, in my opinion) back to her beverage cart and brought me a tiny bottle of Glenlivet.

“See,” I pointed at the tiny letters that spelled whiskey. “This is whiskey.”

“Oh, what did you want?” she asked.


“Our gin is Bicardi.”

“No it’s not,” I said. “That’s vodka.”

Finally, I got my Tanqueray and tonic. And all was well.

After a small debacle at the airport where our flight didn’t exist for a while and we couldn’t find our bags, we got to the hotel. We hung around, I lost a bit of money in the slots, and then was in bed by 1:30. I did an inspirational reading for one of my roommates (from the Psalms and then Revelations).

Saturday am I got up and hit the gym by 8 AM, and after running a couple of miles, it was shower & pool time. Of course, at that point, I decided that it had been so long since I’d damaged myself, so I managed to nearly knock myself out in the shower on the bar that’s in there. Seriously. Little tweety birds and stars. And, that ushered in my 48 hours of headache. So much fun!

But, I am a trooper, so to the pool we went. We lounged. We had bloody marys. We had tropical drinks. We sat in the warm pool. Life was good.

Saturday afternoon, we went to the crappy little Mexican place in the casino for some nachos. Which were alright, but probably not as good as Fiesta Cantina. Yum. Anyways, this woman walked in and was standing at the bar, and lo! her shoes were fabulous.

So, when I needed a refill, I went to stand next to her and her beautiful shoes:

I complimented her shoes. We chatted. She asked the regular questions: where are you from, why are you here. I told her, returned the questions. Turns out she was there for the “Last Comic Standing” Tour. In that she was a comic. They were doing a show at our hotel that night, and while we’d briefly looked into it, decided that we didn’t want to spend $40/ticket.

She took my name and put us all on the list. For free!

So, we saw the show from the front row! It was pretty cool. Even though I didn’t watch the last season, and wasn’t familiar with any of the comics, they were almost all funny. They had the top five winners doing the show, and our special friend Amy Schumer. She was very funny and hella cool for getting us the free seats.

After the show, I crashed out at 10:30 – the minor concussion was still wreaking havoc with my brain. BUT on Sunday, I was ready to go. I mean, still with the headache, but not letting it bother me. After breakfast, I felt well enough to shop. And how could you not, with a breakfast like this?

You’ve got your fruits, your vegetable juice, and your leafy greens (tobacco is both leafy and green, no?). Full of healthy, that’s me!

So, we shopped. For hours. I bought very little (a purse and a stop at Sephora wiped me out). And then we had French food. I was good – just soup (the onion with a whole block of gruyere) and salad (with a goat cheese dressing – god I love the French). Oh, and a French 75.

After that, it was back to the hotel for me for a nap, then a shower. Then on for the gambling! I learned how to play Craps (and lost $20). I learned how to play Blackjack (at a table, I know how to play when there’s no money involved) (oh – and I lost $20). We went and had some tasty tasty wines and cheese (a wonderful goat cheese) at a little wine room in the Rio.

We listened to music and danced.

And, I didn’t go back to the room until nearly 2. I am a party animal, people!

Monday morning, we went to the airport, and even though the plane was delayed, we still were only a bit late to Portland.

And then the train took forever to go.

And then my bus was late.

And I finally got home at 5 PM.

And I was happy.

And now I am all detoxed from my long weekend of drinking and smoking and cheesing.

(Photo from Rehab Yes. Apparently cheese detox really isn’t a big enough market to qualify for the monkey treatment.)

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