Lately, I’ve been using mine when I shouldn’t
“It’s too cold”
“I’m too tired”
And not when I should
“Of course I can write a brand-new report for you by Friday. Would you like two?”
“I most certainly am not over-extended, would you like me to put in a couple of extra hours on your project?”
“Yes, I would like another martini.” (Although the jury is still out on whether multiple martinis are good or bad….ha ha ha….the jury is not still out. They are good. Please bring me one now.)
Why do I have the tendency to take on things I shouldn’t and avoid the things that are good for me?
Is it because the avoiding and the excuses are things that would actually benefit me as a human being: exercise, relaxation, time off; and the other things, the things I devote so much time to, are beneficial to others. I hate to disappoint. I hate people, but I am a people-pleaser. I will go to absurd lengths to make sure that you are happy, even if that means that I am not.
Why then, am I also surprised when I am not accomplishing the things I want to accomplish, not meeting the goals I have set for myself, and don’t have the energy to care?
How did I end up in a job that I care passionately about but that doesn’t fulfill me? Are there jobs that can meet both needs? I have to believe that there are many people who have made careers out of being happy and doing what they love. I know there are. They write books that
brag talk about how it can be done! Even by you!
I don’t want to end up bitter and regretful that I never pursued my dreams, but I’m either
a) too lazy
b) too scared; or
c) too stupid
to figure out how to get started. (I’m also apparently dealing with a massive case of self-pity combined with low self-esteem this week. Why yes, I am PMS-ing, why do you ask?)