Tag Archives: mental illness



You can enter to win a chance to win the first book in Darynda Jones’s Charley Davidson series, that I loved unreservedly until the end of book 9. Now I am only loving it reservedly. For reasons.

However, if you’d like to obtain your very own copy of the first book in the series, you can enter to win here by agreeing to follow me on Amazon! (I just picked up the 12th book in the 13-book series last night. Because I love Charley and I have hope!)

Other freebies, you request?

If you want to win a Kindle Fire, I’ve got the giveaway for you. It involves signing up for a few author newsletters, but they’re probably all awesome authors…I know this, because I’m one of them.

I know I’m way, way behind in book reviewing. I have a number to do. Last autumn –between the kid, my shoulder, and my broken brain–kicked my ass.

My kid is so much better that I can’t even describe it. It was almost like he was possessed by a demon for two months. (And then, the demon leapt into my phone? Hmmm….plausible.) BUT, the old priest and the young priest and the best kindergarten teacher who’s ever lived exorcised that bullshit and things are so, so good now. I’ve gone from cautiously optimistic to status quo.

My shoulder is immensely better. I have five more PT sessions left, but my pain levels are almost always less than two, and even when it flares, it relaxes quickly. My strength is still lacking, but my range of motion and flexibility is getting better.

And finally – ahhh, the broken brain. This was the real problem. The reason my writing productivity was the lowest it’s been in four (seriously – FOUR!years. The other issues definitely compounded it, but I guess there’s only so long you can hold the crazy at bay before it comes back for you.

I’m not the best at medication compliance. Except for antibiotics. I always finish my antibiotics. Everything else? Nope. I feel better, or get bored, or decide that the professionals don’t necessarily know what they’re talking about. So I quit. And then, rather than tell anyone I’ve quit, I also quit seeing the prescribing doc. This was less of a problem in the previous years, because it was always easy for me to find someone new when needed. Now that I no longer work at a medical center, it’s suddenly more challenging.

I haven’t completely solved everything, but I made it through the darkest quarter of the year (Sept-December are always, always, always the worst for me), I have a temporary solution, and I’m feeling productive and hopeful.

My General, my Space Mom…and even now, I can’t believe she’s gone.

It’s a long journey and there’s still so much stigma. But you know what? If Carrie Fisher can talk about it, then so can I. Just a little. I’m a work in process, but I’m getting there.

Bonus: I’ve written 8/9 days this month and will finish The Broken World this week. (My cover is underway! AHHHH!)

76 days until you can find out what happens when Eleanor opens the final gate!

Thank you for all your support during the end of last year. It means a lot to me. I got a lot of nice messages from readers (and friends) (and friends who are readers and readers who’ve become friends) and they meant a lot to me.

Pretty sure this is going to be an awesome year…

Running Down a Dream

I am an accidental drug addict. I was prescribed a drug (and for purposes of vagueness, I’m not going to tell you what it is) the end of June to help arrest the daily panic attacks and heart palpitations.

Speaking of – the first time you have a full-blown panic attack, you are pretty sure you’re having a heart attack and are going to be one of those people who drops dead before age 40 due to cardiac arrest. Also times 3-5. By the tenth time, you know what it is and can work on breathing and meditating through it. If I ever do have a heart attack, I’ll probably just try to meditate through it and die. AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY I’M ANXIOUS! What if this time it’s real????

ANYWAY – DRUGS. I went on a drug so I could function as a normal human being and it worked. I’ve had only a handful of panic attacks since then and most of them were in September, i.e. the month the shrink decreased my dose without warning me what might happen. (Sorry people in September!)

My fatigue has been ridiculous lately, yet I’ve been sleeping more than ever. I’ve also been on the drug, which is in a class of drugs considered relatively addictive, for almost 6 months. I decided – and got new shrink to agree – that I could stop taking them.

The first week, when I decreased my dosage by 25%, had some pretty bad days. Anxiety, panic, paranoia, mood swings, temperature swings, depression, etc. But the fatigue seems a bit better. I decrease another increment starting tonight, and was warned that nights 2 and 3 after decreasing might be a little…insomniacish.

My personal medical professional (doesn’t everyone have one?) recommended combatting the depression with exhaustion. As I’m currently trying to not be fatigued, that seemed a bit counter-intuitive, but she’s the medical expert and I just work in a hospital where knowledge does not flow into my brain via osmosis or my strong psychic powers.

I’m hoping that exhaustion will help combat the depression and the fatigue. I also read today – and I didn’t do extensive research, so who knows if it’s true – that this class of drug can interrupt REM sleep, which is one of the reasons that those of us who are taking this drug can sleep a lot but still experience fatigue. It would also explain why I almost never dream anymore. I’ve got three more weeks of weaning off the drug – and hopefully the withdrawal symptoms will end shortly after that.

In the meantime, in the spirit of making it through a drug withdrawal and getting a head start on my 2016 goals, today, I went for a run.

2015-12-30 09.26.59

It was a bit chilly. And muddy. But four miles to end the year is pretty damn good.