It probably comes as no surprise to anyone that I am extremely goal oriented. I like spreadsheets and gold stars and checking things off of lists.
In the last year, some of my spreadsheeting behaviour got a leeeetle bit OCD and some of my goals weren’t necessarily the healthiest. So I took off my fitbit, shut down my workout tracking spreadsheets, and tried to get back to a healthy mindset.
I am not going to lie, strangers in the internets, the last few months have been difficult. There has been stress hitting me from every direction. Job stress, home stress, divorce stress, (single) parenting stress. All in all, it’s been a distressing few months.
I’ve had a lot of insomnia, some not-so-healthy eating patterns (I would probably eat 0-1 times/day if I didn’t see other people), and decidedly too little movement. Those things, combined with a medication I’ve been on that apparently causes an average gain of 1-3 lbs/month (doing the math, have been on it since September, I am completely average), mean that I’ve gained a fairly significant amount of weight since September. This displeases me.
Things need to change.
My big four goals for the year are (1) more sleep (I’m hoping this will level out again soon), (2) more writing (this is seeing an uptick), (3) more movement (this is where I need the most work), and (4) more job satisfaction (there are plans).
I think I need to re-fitbit (or something similar) and start spreadsheeting again. I’m going off my (prescribed) drugs (totally keeping the recreational angel dust), so I should sleep better and hopefully be able to take off some of the weight immediately. I have a very active 4-year-old and I’d like to be able to keep up and pick him up when he wants me to, because I know that won’t last much longer.
It sometimes seems I’m caught in a vicious cycle. I am stressed, so I don’t sleep. I don’t sleep so I don’t get up early. I don’t get up early so I don’t write or exercise. I don’t exercise, so I don’t get the much-needed stress relief. And repeat.
It’s baby steps. Taking that 20 minutes to go for a quick walk. Actually going to the pool when I bring all my stuff to work. Being in bed and ready for sleep by 11 so I can be up before 6. Setting reminders to eat and giving it a go even when it seems too difficult. (I can usually manage to down something liquid, so having protein shakes on hand might not be the worst idea I’ve ever had.)
In the end, though, it’s about looking at my life and deciding what the real priorities are. Changes won’t happen if I’m not going to commit to making them. It’s true that I don’t have a lot of leisure time for exercise during the week, but I have more on the weekend, and I can find time if I really value it. So what’s stopping me?
Once I can answer that question, then I’ll be in business.