Killer Clown Spiders (from Outer Space)!

Yesterday (or maybe Monday…I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night and my days are blending together) I instructed my PSM that if I returned from my mini writer’s retreat without a product ready to be beta-read that she was to unleash the killer clown spiders.

Even though I haven’t yet made it to Chicago, much less back from there, she’s apparently started with the subtle threats. There was a HYOOGINORMOUS spider in my bathroom this morning.

This spider (I was unable to confirm whether or not it was clownish, alien, or both) decided that it would be hilarious to play hide and seek while I showered.

Aside: I just went to this website to try to ID the type of spider, because that seemed relevant, and now I need to burn down Oregon. Sorry!


ANYWAY – that’s not really the point of this post. (Although the point might now be that I will not be able to return from Chicago, due to Oregon having been burned down.)

Ummm…where was I?

Oh yes, Cat sent a possibly dangerous spider after me and that makes me think her power is even more far-reaching than I’d thought.

That means I need to woman the fuck up and cut 40-45K words out of this book in the next 10 days. If I start Monday (because let’s be real here) and work ALL DAY Monday & Tuesday, then ALL DAY Thursday and Friday (Wednesday is a travel back to the burned remains of Oregon day), that means I need to cut at least 10K words/day. That’s a lot. (Suddenly overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of this undertaking. It might be easier to just rewrite the whole damn thing from scratch.)


Copyright:  / 123RF Stock Photo

I’m imaging this is what I’ll look like a week from Friday. Copyright: / 123RF Stock Photo

So, wish me luck and fortitude (and gin), because I am not willing to unleash the killer spiders on Oregon.

I’m doing it for the children. Or me. Whichever.

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