That Stephen Colbert & I are secret lovers. His graph for Venezuela’s ‘financial danger alert scale’

Level 1 (Strong Economy): Monkey Taking a Bath

Level 2 (Where we’re at today): Elephant Sinking in a Pool

Level 3 (If the situation worsens): Giraffe Falling Asleep in a Jacuzzi


Level 4 (If the bottom falls out):


Gazelle standing in a pail of water while changing a light bulb

How does that prove we’re secret lovers? Well, that sounds like something I would accidentally do. Plus, you know, gazelle. It was a sly little shout-out.

Call me, Stephen!

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