Category Archives: Dammit!

Three Things Thursday: Keeping it Real Edition

  1. I know I owe you a review of The Silent. And I want to give it to you. But the last week has been a rough one for Amy-kind. I was felled with some kind of likely migraine issues last Thursday, and then have had various levels of horrific cramps over the past few days. Hunter deserves more than a half-assed review written when I couldn’t think straight. If you’re desperate for a great review and don’t feel like waiting around until I can pull myself together, check out my PSM’s.
  2. I am (with the exception of yesterday) making excellent progress on my rewrites of The Ruby Blade. I am hoping to finish up in the next week to ten days. Rewriting is ever so much harder than writing, because I have to make sure additions make sense within the story, and add rather than detract. There are a couple new characters in The Ruby Blade, and I hope you love them as much as I do. There’s also a lot more Raj, and he is even more morally ambiguous than I was expecting him to be. Still hot AF, though.
  3. Did I mention the cramps? Yeah. This month has not been good. I was a wreck last night. There may have been tears. And sobbing. And the inability to walk properly due to pain. Today, I feel like I was in a fight or something (on top of the only slightly less awful cramps I have today) because my body aches all over from the aftermath of the full-body cramps I had last night. Since I can’t take vicodin at work (or drink a bottle of wine at my desk), I’m thinking a combo of reiki and essential oils might be my only hope. Maybe also coconut oil, although I’m not sure of the proper application. (Please don’t chime in with advice on pain management…trust me, I’ve probably tried it, or considered it and dismissed it for legitimate reasons.) (The no assvice thing goes double for the non-uterus havers.)

 

Have a great rest of the week and fantabulous weekend. If you don’t hear from me again, it’s probably because the entire Pacific Northwest melted, thus saving me from further pain.

Meh. And also blah. With a side of blech. (And way too much TMI)

I’ve been so, so good at staying dairy free. SO GOOD! And on those rare occasions when I’ve broken down and had a cheese item, I’ve doubled-up on the lactaid. The result? My stomach has been much more pleased with me the last few months.

Enter Saturday: I was out and about much of the day. I had a tattoo consult, and an eye doctor appointment, and other random stuff. I stopped for lunch at about one, and even though I texted the Beer Guy that I would cheerfully kill someone for a melted cheese food item, I had no intention of following through (with either the murder or the cheese).

Instead, I ordered a meat pasty. (I literally just typed “cheese pasty” and had to go delete. I am obsessed with cheese.) It was delicious. I felt a little off that evening, but attributed it to having skipped breakfast (mostly) and it being several hours since my 100% cheese-free lunch. The beer guy & I went out to eat, and I ordered my wrap sans dairy, but continued to feel not quite right.

The next morning (yesterday), I woke up and was miserable. I told the beer guy that I felt like I’d eaten cheese, but couldn’t figure out how that’d happened. After all, I’d been so careful. And then I looked up the menu for the place I’d gotten my pasty to prove how careful I was. Second listed ingredient on the menu item I ordered? FUCKING SWISS CHEESE. How I missed that when ordering is beyond me.

So yeah. Yesterday was a barrel of fun. It’s really depressing that cheese–the one food item to which I have devoted more time and energy (and money; I have a lot of cheese making apparati)–has betrayed me this way.

 

ANYWAY – finally my stomach ache went away, and I was all yay! AND THEN THERE WAS FURTHER BETRAYAL.

My left ovary tried to kill me. It was so evil that, after a vicodin, I decided it needed a name. I googled “evil name generator” and the first name on the list was Cat.

As you may or may not know, Cat is also the name of my PSM. Obviously, I texted her immediately to know I’d named my evil left ovary after her. (I’m not sure if she hasn’t responded because of the time difference or because she’s just backing away from our friendship slowly or because she hasn’t seen it yet.)

(I also texted her that I was planning on becoming a vicodin addict, which is probably no longer true as I had a really hard time falling asleep last night, but also couldn’t get out of bed to do anything else.)

So, long and extremely TMI story short – my body hates me and wants me to die. My left ovary is named Cat. Cheese is my best frenemy. I’m probably going to name my right ovary Xyla. The jury’s still out on what I’m going to name my uterus.

My goal for this week is to remain cheese free and be as active as Amy-ly possible, whilst also getting at least 12-15K words down. I need to finish this rewrite by the end of the month so The Ruby Blade can get to my editor in *gulp*   six weeks. That sounds like such a long time, but it really, really isn’t. (PS, if you would like to give me a great deal of money to stay home and write, I would appreciate it!)

Indian khanda sword…

Sleep Report

Remember last week when I said I was going to spend the weekend resetting my sleep clock and get to bed every night by 10:45 and sleep and be happy and that would be the magical key to everything in life and then I would get my very own unicorn and life would be amazing?

 

hahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahah

 

Friday night went well, actually. I was in bed and asleep by 10 and slept until almost 8 am Saturday morning.

My planned run didn’t happen on Saturday, but we still got out, ran some errands, and I used the gas grill all by myself for the first time.

Then came Saturday night. I texted the Beer Guy at about 9 to say goodnight. And then we texted for a bit at 10:30. And then I said goodnight FOR REAL at 12:30. Last time I saw the clock it was 4. My kid woke me up at 7 to ask if it was time to wake me up yet.

So – three hours of sleep, roughly.

I took Bean to the park yesterday afternoon and he played himself out. He barely made it through dinner.

I was excited! I would work! And do laundry! And clean the kitchen! (I did all the laundry and all the dishes, but no work…the words kept swimming in front of my eyes.)

At 10:15ish, I texted my goodnight to the beer guy and went to bed. At 2, I posted on Facebook my dismay at being awake at 2 for the 2nd night in a row. At 3:30, I posted again (and then deleted) the number of hours I could sleep if I fell asleep RIGHT THEN.

At 4:15, I started debating whether or not it’d even be worth it to try. I wanted to sleep, but even after listening to my GUARANTEED ASLEEP IN 12 MINUTES OR LESS meditation multiple times, there was nothing.

At shortly after 5, I gave up, made double the amount of coffee I was planning on making, took a shower, tried to write, gave up, drank coffee, made Bean’s lunch, drank coffee, roused the Bean, drank coffee, and took him to school.

Now I’m having a coke.

I should probably eat a food, but that sounds like a terrible idea, frankly.

I’m not thrilled that operation sleep failed after one day. Hopefully, tonight will be a night of sleep. (I’m actually pretty confident about this…I have drugs that can force the issue, I just don’t like to take them. However, I like seeing auras around everything even less.)

Now that I’ve gotten this far, I’ve no idea how to end it. Usually, my brain does a thinking thing and that triggers my fingers to do a writing thing and it quite often makes sense.

Currently, the thinking thing seems to be short-circuiting.

So, ummm…. I guess Happy Monday? Hope you slept some?

The Missing Link

I am doing really well with getting myself moving most days. I’ve walked, run, or done yoga every day this week so far. Overall, I’m eating much better and more regularly, which is a huge struggle for me. (Last fall/winter, I was so very stressed out that I generally only ate if someone was there to see that I wasn’t eating. I developed an extreme hatred of food and dread of eating to the point that the thought of eating anything at all would make me nauseated. There was a point that I had trouble eating anything that I had to chew and subsisted on a liquid diet of coffee, smoothies, and wine. Surprisingly, that is not a recipe for optimal health, which is disappointing, because I’m pretty sure that weight loss book would’ve been a huge hit and I’d be a millionaire by now. BUT ANYWAY.)

Ahem.

Yes.

Exercise: good!

Food: mostly good!

Mindfulness: coming right along, but I have been slacking off a bit this week.

So, you ask with bated breath, on the edge of your seat, white-knuckled in anticipation, what is that missing link of which Amy speaks?

This is me, today. I’ve averaged about 5 hours/night for the last I don’t know how long. Some people may be fine with that, but I am not. I need between 6-7 hours to be fully functional.

I could probably turn off the light in my office, pull my blanket over me (it is unreasonably cold in my office) and fall asleep right now. Sadly, siesta-ing is not a thing in the US or I’d do it.

My problem is that I just don’t go to bed. I’ve had insomnia in the past, but this is not that. Once I’m in bed, I listen to my “go to sleep” meditation, and I’m out within the 12 minutes the meditation runs 95% of the time.

BUT BUT BUT! I need that time to be awake and at home and present! And since I’m going to bed too late, I’m not getting up early enough to have it in the morning.

The other problem? I really, really like my housemate. I enjoy spending time with him just existing. We watch a couple shows, chat about our days, and usually are working side-by-side on the couch on various projects (websites, blogging, writing, playing mindless games on our phones [that one might just be me]).

But this lack of sleep is really starting to take a toll.

 

I’m good at making positive changes – the last few weeks have shown that. Now I need to address this one thing that is making it harder to maintain the rest of my positive changes. I’m sans housemate for the next three nights (although the wee one will be home, but he’s usually asleep by 7:30, so I’m not too worried about him keeping me up) and I am going to go to bed (in bed, lights out, meditation playing) every night by 10:45.

I’ll report back on Monday and let you know how it went. My dream? That I did this without fail for three nights in a row and then used my newfound energy to run (Saturday), do a strength training routine (Sunday), and write about 6-8K words on The Ruby Blade.

Acceptable? If I get anywhere remotely close to success (as in, I don’t stay up until midnight watching tv and playing phone games and not writing).

Happy weekend!

 

Writerly Wednesday

I am still unable to upload new images. (If anyone knows how to change my image URLs with magic, let me know. Nothing else, including running PHP code, is working.) However, I don’t want to forget to remind everyone that The Waning Moon is coming out in 6 days! (AHHH!)

Old image. Sigh. ANYWAY – click the link! Add me to your Goodreads TBR pile!

 

It’s available for preorder!

Amazon

iBook & Nook

 

And, if you’ve read The Cardinal Gate, I would super-duper appreciate an Amazon review! I don’t even care if you liked it or not. (I’m working towards a full set of stars.)

Funny story: I got my very first negative review this week, and I was thrilled. Legitimately thrilled. First of all, it was a weird negative review.

Starts out most excellent then apparently the author decided the plot needed thickening and devolved it into a typical jealousy filled bodice ripper.

What does that even mean? Is a thicker plot bad? I know bodice-rippers aren’t. My personal summary of this review (that I’m considering putting on the book cover to boost sales) is: Too much plot, not enough clothes.

You’d buy that, right? RIGHT?!

Anyway, I’m back to the salt mines where I simultaneously do my day job and try to figure out what the fuck is wrong with my image URLs that they won’t change. (I do not want to re-upload and attach 1500 images. I just don’t.)

I’m also finishing up final changes and formatting for the Waning Moon, so I can upload it to all the pre-order places!

Review! Preorder! Buy! (You really should. You’re so pretty. So very, very pretty.)

(Also – check out the sidebar for the newsletter sign-up. A new issue with Raj, Chapter 4 is out next week and a new Eleanor brew review from one of the stops she made in The Waning Moon.)